Tag: advice

With results for Nationals, Highers, Advanced Highers and Skills for Work Awards being issued on Tuesday 4 August, Dr Marguerita Magennis, psychologist, parenting consultant and psychology tutor at FindTutors, shares her advice for helping young people feel supported, whatever the outcome.
Manage your own expectations before the day:

Results day can be emotionally charged for parents as well as young people. It is important for parents to recognise their own hopes, fears and expectations before the day arrives.

Children are highly attuned to the emotions of those around them and can quickly absorb parental anxiety, often feeling responsible for managing not only their own emotions but those of their parents too. Remaining calm and keeping the focus on unconditional support helps create an environment where children feel valued regardless of the outcome.

Regulate your own reaction before you respond

The first few moments after results are opened may be remembered long after the grades themselves. Before speaking, parents should take a moment to regulate their own emotional response. Young people instinctively look to trusted adults to judge how serious a situation is. Calm body language, a relaxed posture and a reassuring presence help communicate emotional safety, allowing the child to begin processing their disappointment without feeling they have also disappointed those they love.

Do not rush to reassure or solve the problem

When children experience disappointment, they first need their emotions to be acknowledged rather than redirected.

Well-intentioned reassurance or rushing into practical solutions can unintentionally minimise what feels like a significant loss to them.

From a psychological perspective, emotional validation helps regulate the nervous system and enables clearer thinking. Once a child feels understood, they are usually far better placed to consider solutions and future options.

Give them space while keeping the door open

Children and young people process disappointment differently. Some need to talk immediately, while others require time to make sense of their emotions before they feel ready to engage.

Respecting that need for space demonstrates trust rather than indifference. Parents can remain emotionally available without placing pressure on their child to talk before they are ready, recognising that conversations often happen once emotions have had time to settle.

Choose your words carefully

Parents should focus on acknowledging their child’s feelings, reassuring them that their worth extends far beyond academic performance, and reinforcing that disappointing results do not define their future.

Equally important is avoiding comments that minimise emotions, assign blame or compare them with siblings, friends or classmates. While these responses are often intended to motivate or reassure, they can increase feelings of shame and reinforce the belief that love or approval is conditional on achievement.

Wait until emotions have settled before discussing next steps

Immediately after receiving disappointing news, emotions often override logical thinking. Parents should allow time for those initial feelings to settle before introducing discussions about appeals, alternative pathways or future plans.

A child is usually ready when they begin asking questions, expressing curiosity about their options or engaging more openly in conversation. Allowing emotional processing before practical planning encourages more thoughtful decision-making.

Avoid comparing your child with others

Comparison can be deeply damaging because it shifts the focus away from individual strengths and reinforces the idea that success is measured against someone else’s achievements.

Every young person develops at their own pace, with different abilities, challenges and aspirations.

Supporting children to value their own progress rather than competing with others helps build resilience, confidence and a healthier sense of self-worth.

Put social media celebrations into perspective

Social media can magnify disappointment by presenting a carefully curated version of success. Young people may mistakenly believe that everyone else has achieved the outcomes they hoped for, when in reality they are only seeing selected moments.

Parents can help by encouraging perspective, reminding children that social media rarely reflects the full picture and reinforcing that their own journey does not need to mirror anyone else’s to be meaningful or successful.

Celebrate commitment, not just grades

When rewards become closely linked to grades, children may begin to associate love, approval or self-worth with achievement rather than effort and personal growth.

This can contribute to perfectionism, fear of failure and increased anxiety around future performance.

Where possible, celebrations should recognise the commitment, perseverance and resilience shown throughout the examination process rather than being determined solely by the final outcome.

Remember that results do not define a young person

As a psychologist, I would encourage parents to remember that results D=day is not simply about grades, it is about identity, self-esteem and hope for the future.

The way parents respond can have a lasting influence on how a young person interprets both success and disappointment.

Examination results may shape the next step in their journey, but they do not define their potential, their character or their value. Feeling accepted and supported, regardless of the outcome, is one of the greatest protective factors for a young person’s emotional wellbeing.

About Dr Marguerita Magennis

Dr Marguerita Magennis is a psychologist, parenting consultant, early years specialist and psychology tutor at FindTutors with more than 25 years’ experience working with children, families and educators.

She works with schools, preschools and parents to support children’s learning, emotional development and wellbeing, with a particular focus on neurodivergence and early childhood development. Professional profile is here.