Tag: relationships

Start for Life campaign: If They Could Tell You

A new UK government campaign is to be launched to support parents as research highlights some are unaware their baby’s mental health impacts their early development.

  • A new government campaign aims to support parents in nurturing their bond with their baby.
  • New research highlights many parents are unaware of the link between their baby’s good mental health and early childhood development.
  • Building close relationships in this critical period of social and emotional development reduces the likelihood of mental health difficulties throughout their lives.

A new government campaign – Start for Life’s If They Could Tell You – has launched to support parents to help build secure bonds to help nurture their baby’s future mental health, along with easy-to-follow guidance on the Start for Life website.

The campaign aims to highlight that babies’ expressions, reactions, noises, and cries are the way they communicate their needs and feelings to parents which in some cases can be an indication of their mental wellbeing.

The government wants to help parents and carers learn how to interpret these cues so they can find the best way to meet their babies’ needs.

A baby’s brain is making one million neural connections every second, making pregnancy and the first 2 years so important for their healthy development. These connections are formed as a result of the interaction between parents and their babies, laying the foundations for their physical and emotional wellbeing, now and in future. Secure relationships with parents and carers positively impacts child development outcomes and reduces the likelihood of mental health difficulties.

Minister for Public Health, Start for Life and Primary Care, Dame Andrea Leadsom said: “We are committed to giving every baby the best start in life, and promoting that vital secure attachment between babies and their parents in the 1,001 critical days from pregnancy to two years old is crucial for their future well-being.

“Speaking with parents across the country, I’ve heard first-hand that they need more support around how to better build those connections. Parents can access a range of support and advice, in person via family hubs and on the Start for Life website.

“We are also launching new guidance for frontline practitioners, aimed at helping them to start conversations with parents about building their relationship with their baby.

England’s Deputy Chief Medical Officer Dr Jeanelle de Gruchy said: “A strong, loving connection between parents or carers and their baby can play a significant role in developing the brain and protecting their mental health as they grow up.

“This campaign will make it easier for parents and carers to interpret the way their baby is communicating with them and understand how best to meet their baby’s needs.

“Raising a baby is not easy and I hope that new NHS trusted advice provided through the campaign will be a helpful source of information and support to parents and carers.

“New guidance for frontline practitioners will also help start conversations with parents and carers to explore their relationship with their baby, in order to provide support.”

The early years are a crucial time for the development of a child’s brain.  Over a third (41%) of parents of under twos in England are unaware that mental health starts to impact a child’s development before they are two.

Whilst most parents (95%) feel confident in supporting their baby’s emotional and social development, more than two thirds (73%) of parents in the survey indicated they would welcome support in nurturing their connection with their baby further.  

The new survey from Censuswide, which explored parents’ understanding of building a positive connection with their baby, also found that over half (53%) of parents believe that parenting advice they received in their baby’s early life, such as letting the baby ‘cry it out’ (53%) and limiting physical affection (52%) to avoid the baby becoming clingy was outdated, with almost a third (31%) of parents feeling guilty for following this advice when their baby’s cues indicated otherwise.

Child development expert Dr Amanda Gummer said: “Building a strong connection with your baby from pregnancy onwards helps to foster a sense of love and security, laying the foundations for their future wellbeing and mental health.

Dr Amanda Gummer has these tips for parents to help interpret cues and build strong connections with your baby:  

Mirror your baby’s reactions and emotions

Babies need you to help them learn about themselves and the world around them. Your baby might be telling you they’re ready to play if they’re smiling or cooing. You can mirror your baby’s reactions and emotions – such as smiling back if they have bright eyes – as this shows them that it’s OK to express those emotions. 

Comfort your baby when they are crying

It’s important to respond to their cries, as well as their smiles, with love and reassurance. If your baby is crying, try soothing them with gentle rocking, speaking softly, or singing to them.

Remember, you can’t ‘spoil’ a baby with too many cuddles and it doesn’t make them clingy. Babies will cry for different lengths and at different times, so try not to compare your baby to others. Babies also cry for different reasons; pain cries can be different to hunger or tired cries so try to understand what they’re telling you to help you respond appropriately. Looking after yourself is also really important and will help you to comfort your baby’s cries. 

Enjoy playing face-to-face with your baby in everyday moments

The more you cuddle, look at and play face-to-face with your baby, the more secure they’ll feel, and the more independent they’ll become. In time, they will feel confident that you will be there for them. This can be as simple as saying what they do and name what they see, as you’re going about your routine.

Let your baby take breaks when they need them (and the same goes for you!)

Your baby’s body language, facial expressions, noises, and cries are their ways of telling you what they need. Sometimes they might be telling you they just need a break. Show them that it’s ok if they need to try something different, or to just to rest. Remember to also take care of yourself, and take a moment when needed, so you’re ready to understand and respond to your baby’s cues.

Further information on family hubs can be found here:  

https://familyhubs.campaign.gov.uk

Pressure on relationships rising due to cost of living crisis

Family mediation experts offer advice on choosing a relationship counsellor

As the cost of living crisis puts pressure on relationships, experts encourage people to reach out for help before relationships break down completely.

Relationships Scotland, the largest provider of relationship support in the country, is offering advice to anyone looking to embark on counselling. The leading family mediation experts say there are five key questions to ask before choosing a relationships counsellor.

Stuart Valentine, Chief Executive of Relationships Scotland said: “Making the decision to seek help to deal with relationship issues is not easy, it can be a daunting process admitting you need help, let alone navigating the many different options available.

“Relationships Scotland strives to offer couples and individuals a safe space to discuss their concerns and our five step guide aims to make taking the first step as easy as possible.”

Relationships Scotland says anyone thinking about counselling should ask the following five questions:

Are they trained to work with relationships?

Before you begin counselling it is important to establish the level of your counsellor’s training and their experience. In recent years it is usual for a counsellor to do either a one-year full time or a two-year part-time course. It is also important to find out what areas of relationships the counsellor can work with. It is especially important to check that the counsellor is qualified to work with couples, if you hope to go to counselling with your partner.

Is there someone checking that they are working to the right standards?

Relationships Scotland counsellors are required to undertake a minimum number of hours of casework per year. They are also required to participate in clinical supervision with a supervisor who is experienced in couple work. This helps ensure that all of counsellors are properly trained and supported in their work.

What will they do with the information I give them?

Your counsellor will discuss confidentiality with you and where there might limits on this confidentiality, such as when someone might be at risk. This is to ensure your safety and the safety of others.

Where will I see the counsellor?

Relationships Scotland has over 200 counsellors covering the whole of mainland and island

Scotland. Face-to-face and online appointments are available and there will be a service covering your area.

Will there be a charge?

All Relationships Scotland affiliated local services that provide relationship counselling receive some funding from the Scottish Government. This does not cover all the costs, however, and so some services may ask for a donation or may make a charge, depending on income.

If you are on low income, please let the service know and they work with you to make sure you receive the support you need.

Stuart Valentine added: “Relationships Scotland understands the importance of positive and resilient relationships and the damage which relationship breakdown can cause if not handled properly, especially for children.

“We want to make counselling as accessible and as helpful as possible for anyone needing this type of support.”

Hope ‘critical to recovery’ after a stroke

Hope after a stroke: Nearly a quarter of stroke survivors lost their job after their stroke with some even losing their home or partner – but having ‘hope’ is critical to recovery 

  • 23% of stroke survivors in Scotland say having a stroke cost them their job, with almost one in five saying it impacted their relationship and 5% even lost their home
  • Across the UK, over half of younger stroke survivors under the age of 50 say they have never emotionally recovered from their stoke 
  • Whilst 15% felt their first signs of hope after a month since having a stroke –a quarter did not feel any hope in over a year.
  • The Stroke Association calls for those who can to donate to give more survivors hope after a stroke

The practical, emotional and physical impact of having a stroke has been laid bare by a new survey of over 3,500 stroke survivors across the UK (220 respondents from Scotland), released today.

The research, conducted by the Stroke Association ahead of World Stroke Day (29 October), is part of a renewed call for vital funds to help the charity give more survivors hope after their stroke and help them to rebuild their lives. 

The impact on survivors in Scotland

The research reveals that 23% of those in Scotland who survived a stroke say it directly led to them losing their job whilst 5% say it led to them losing their home. 

Furthermore, almost one in five (19%) say it had a negative impact on their relationship.  It is not only relationships with partners that are affected – over one in ten (12%) say they lost friends as a result of having a stroke.  

Younger survivors more severely impacted

Looking at stroke survivors across the UK, the research reveals that the emotional impact of a stroke can impact younger survivors more severely. Amongst those under the age of 50, six in ten (60%) say that they’ve never emotionally recovered from the impact of their stroke. This compares to 44% for those over the age of 50. 

This is despite a similar number of younger stroke survivors under the age of 50 (52%) and over the age of 50 (50%) saying they have not physically recovered from their stroke. 

The importance of hope 

The research shows the importance and transformative power of feeling hope after having a stroke. Over three quarters of those surveyed in Scotland (77%) say that hope played an important or critical part in their recovery. 

But for many, it was not a quick process. Whilst 15% say they began to feel hope after a month since their stroke, a quarter (25%) say it took more than a year to experience what they felt was the first sign of hope. Meanwhile one in ten (11%) say they have never felt hopeful since they had their stroke – demonstrating how strokes can impact survivors differently. 

The Stroke Association helps people to find the hope they need to rebuild their lives through specialist services, including a Helpline, peer support service, support groups and Support Coordinators.

Louise Copland, 36 from Glasgow, had her stroke six years ago.  The effects of her stroke were dramatic.  She couldn’t walk or talk.   

She said: “At the time I was terrified, I had no idea what was going on, but I got the impression it was a big deal, which made me very anxious.

My family and the physiotherapists were marvellous.  I’ll never forget standing up for the first time.  It felt weird and I was dizzy, but it was exhilarating. I had to call my parents to give them this fantastic news and they immediately got in the car to go to the hospital and share my happiness and excitement.  This was my first moment of hope that there might be light at the end of the tunnel.

I was due to get married two months later and was determined to walk down the aisle with Dad. I focused all my attention on being able to walk again. I did it.  This was the biggest moment of hope I’ve had since my stroke and it gave me the impetus to carry on.

But Louise knows she probably won’t ever recover emotionally after her stroke.

“I wake up every morning with an arm and leg that don’t work like the way they did.  I fear the challenges in forming new relationships – my confidence has been dashed and people do judge you for having a disability which is demeaning.

Louise continues to find moments of hope and lives her life to the full.  She would have been lost without the support of friends and family.  She now attends a stroke club where she gets to meet others in a similar situation to herself.

“The people I meet at the café are so welcoming.  They understand the issues I’m dealing with, because they are dealing with them too.  It’s important to find hope in others.  It’s important to ask for help when you need it and it is out there.  There is hope after stroke.”

Big and small moments of hope

The research found that it can be both big and small moments of hope that are important. When asked what gave them their first moment of hope after a stroke, nearly one in five, (19%) said it was being able to use their affected side for the first time and 11% said it was being able to speak again. However, one in ten (10%) said it was being able to complete a small every day task such as making a cup of tea.  

Reevaluating what is important after a stroke 

The impact of a stroke leads many to reevaluate what is important in life. Over half (54%) say having a stroke made them appreciate their life more, 43% say it made them appreciate their family more and 42% say it made them appreciate the importance of looking after their health.  

John Watson, Associate Director Scotland at the Stroke Association said: “Every five minutes, someone in the UK will have a stroke and, in a flash, their life is changed.

“There are more than 128,000 stroke survivors living in Scotland and two thirds of people who survive a stroke find themselves living with a disability. The physical impact of a stroke is severe, but for many, the emotional aspects of coming to terms with having a stroke are just as significant.

“As the research makes clear, finding hope is a crucial part of the recovery process. Without it, recovery can seem impossible. 

“At the Stroke Association, we support and help people to find this hope, and rebuild their lives. But with 1.3m people and rising in the UK now living with the effects of a stroke, our services have never been more stretched. We urgently require the support of the public to help us continue to support stroke survivors to rebuild their lives.”

The Stroke Association is asking those who can to donate today so that it can reach more stroke survivors and give them the specialist support they need to find hope and move forward with their recovery. Visit stroke.org.uk/hopeafterstroke  

Survey reveals surprising positives for romantic relationships during Covid-19

A new survey from the British Psychological Society (BPS) has revealed today that 86% of people are looking forward to spending the Christmas period with their partner.

The results indicate a surprising bright spot amid the difficult times of the pandemic, particularly after the recent announcement about new Tier 4 restrictions and the reduction in days people are able to see their family and loved ones over the festive period.

The survey commissioned by the BPS also showed that 87% of people in a relationship said they have enjoyed the time they’ve spent with their partner since the start of the Coronavirus pandemic in the UK (March 2020), with 84% saying they have felt supported by their partner, and 79% saying they have felt emotionally connected.

The YouGov survey of 2,100 adults in the UK, undertaken prior to Saturday’s announcement on new Covid-19 restrictions over the festive period, reveals a surprisingly positive snapshot into relationships during the Covid-19 pandemic, and indicates that despite the unique challenges relationships have faced, many couples have been able to weather the storm together.

Perhaps less surprisingly, the results show that single people looking for a relationship during the pandemic have struggled, with 79% saying they hadn’t found it easy to meet new people since lockdown started, and 90% saying they had experienced loneliness.

The survey also found that, among those in a relationship, more than one quarter (27%) said they have experienced feelings of loneliness in their relationship with their partner since the start of the Coronavirus pandemic in the UK, and just over half (53%) said they had felt sexually connected with their partner.

The BPS has published new guidance to help those in relationships and single people to cope with the effects of lockdowns and restrictions on personal, intimate and sexual relationships, including tips and advice for people who are in a relationship, or actively seeking new connections.  

Dr Sarah Rutter, BPS chartered clinical psychologist and lead author of the guidance said: “It’s genuinely heart-warming to see how connected and supported by their partners people have felt as they’ve faced the challenges of the pandemic together.

“During times of difficulty, it’s not uncommon to learn new things about ourselves or a partner, or see hidden strengths come to the fore. The pandemic may have presented us with an opportunity to slow down and take the time to think about the relationships that are most important to us.

“At this time of year it’s common for us to see advice about how to ‘survive’ the festive period as a couple and navigate the occasional tensions of family get-togethers. This year the difference couldn’t be more stark, with intimate relationships really coming to the forefront of our personal support networks.

“Equally, there’s no doubt that it’s also been a very challenging time for people who are single and looking for new connections, whose love life may have felt ‘on hold’ since March. The new restrictions introduced yesterday will undoubtedly hit single people who are looking for a new relationship very hard.

“It’s hugely important to recognise that these survey results don’t give us the full picture and there is no doubt that some will have struggled with their relationships, particularly during a time of such change and stress. The festive period can be a strain on relationships in any year, and Christmas 2020 could be particularly challenging, with restrictions placing unique demands upon us.”

The findings of this survey offer a small snapshot of the UK’s relationship experiences since the start of the UK lockdown and victims of domestic abuse may have been suffering in silence.

It’s vital that people experiencing domestic abuse urgently receive the support they need.  

If you, or someone you know is in immediate danger, call 999 and ask for the police. Alternatively, contact the helplines below:

Domestic abuse helplines

Freephone National Domestic Abuse Helpline, run by Refuge0808 200 0247www.nationaldahelpline.org.ukGalop (for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people)0800 999 5428www.galop.org.uk
Live Fear Free helpline (Wales)0808 80 10 800www.livefearfree.gov.walesMen’s Advice Line0808 801 0327www.mensadviceline.org.uk
Rape Crisis (England and Wales)0808 802 9999www.rapecrisis.org.ukRespect phoneline0808 802 4040www.respectphoneline.org.uk
Scotland’s Domestic Abuse and Forced Marriage Helpline0800 027 1234www.sdafmh.org.ukScottish Women’s Aid0131 226 6606www.scottishwomensaid.org.uk
Women’s Aid Federation (Northern Ireland)0800 917 1414www.womensaidni.org 

New national resource to aid support for young people

The first ever national guidance for professionals giving advice and support to young people on healthy relationships and consent has been published. It means that whenever a young person seeks advice – whether from a teacher, a health professional or a youth worker – they should receive consistent, age-appropriate information. Continue reading New national resource to aid support for young people

Dealing With Child Arrangements When Families Break Up

Although Christmas is now a distant memory, for many families it only served to heighten tensions when it comes to the issue of child arrangements for parents who have separated.

But, of course, the issues surrounding separated or divorced parents seeing their children are the same throughout the year. Sally Nash, Senior Associate, Family Law at Gilson Gray, shares four helpful tips on dealing with the factors that may arise when reaching an agreement on child care arrangements.

  1. There is no normal

It is important to bear in mind that there is no “norm”. Clients often come to us to say that a well-meaning friend or colleague has told them that a particular pattern of contact is what “always happens”; or that it is a given that any children will principally reside with mum.

While there are certain patterns of contact which we see more often than others, ultimately what parents agree upon varies significantly.

The days are also long gone where it is presumed that the person best placed to have the children with them most of the time is mum. The law clearly directs that all such matters are determined based on what is in the best interests of the particular child concerned. Inevitably, that will vary from child to child.

The arrangements will also hugely depend on practicalities such as how close the parents live to one another. The bottom line is that there is no right or wrong answer to any situation.

2. Watch your language

Although the concepts of “custody” and “access” have been a thing of the past in Scotland since 1995, we all too often hear those terms and think of negative connotations – that a child “belongs” to one parent and the other parent is “permitted” to see the child.

However, whilst there are a few exceptions; in most family situations now both parents will have equal parental rights and responsibilities and both are entitled to be involved in all important decisions.

In our view, it helps if discussions are framed against the background of the correct terminology of “residence” and “contact” which more appropriately reflects what the discussion is about.

3. Put the child first

Even where a separation is amicable, parents can fall into the trap of making the care arrangements for their children about them and their separation, and not about the children themselves.

We would advise to give careful consideration where there is a dispute about care arrangements as to whether what is being objected to is because what is proposed is not felt to be in the best interests of the child, or if it is actually connected to the impact it would have on the parent themselves.

4. Try to find a solution

In the first instance our advice would always be to try to work with the other parent to come up with an arrangement that best meets the needs of your child.

For two parents who are struggling to resolve arrangements directly between them, there are methods of alternative dispute resolution available such as mediation where a third party can try to help you and the other party to work through the issues that have arisen.

However if the arrangements cannot be agreed, the ultimate recourse is to the court. As solicitors working day to day in this field, our advice would always be to avoid court if possible.

The bottom line is that once the arrangements for the care of the child are within the remit of the court, essentially a third party will try to make the best decision they can about what is in the best interest of the child, but what is decided may not give either parent what they want..

Ultimately, communication and cooperation between both parents is key to reducing conflict.

Sally Nash is a Senior Associate in Gilson Gray’s Family Law Team. She has worked exclusively in the field of family law for the last 15 years.

For more information or guidance on dealing with issues related to family law, visit www.gilsongray.co.uk

Forget the internet – you need friends

laptop keyboardA leading support charity is calling on couples in Edinburgh to get in touch with their local service if they need help, after a new study found that the internet is one of the biggest causes of relationship problems.

Published by Relationships Scotland, The Way We Are Now 2014 lifts the lid on our relationships and sex lives. The study is one of the largest of its kind.

The report asked more than 5000 people across the UK how they feel about their sex life and relationships.

It reveals some concerning statistics around how close we feel to others, with one in five or 18% rarely or never feeling loved in their relationship and one in ten saying they didn’t have a close friend.

The charity said that in as many as 50 to 70% of cases in couple counselling in Scotland the internet had an impact on the relationship yet in the study very few people reported the internet as causing a problem in their relationship

Only 1% of respondents said they’d cheated with someone online but not in person.

This clashes with the findings from the survey of counsellors, with many of them reporting the use of social media and online pornography as an issue that comes up in the counselling room in over half of cases.

Anne Chilton, Head of Counselling said, “There is a disconnect here between what people see and assume their partner is doing and what they are actually doing. Seeing your partner on line night after night you maybe assume they are just browsing. Its only when you look at what they are actually looking at do you find that there is problem. Maybe they are chatting to someone else, or looking at porn. Either way, this is the point couples come to us for help. What maybe started as a solution to loneliness in a relationship now becomes the problem.”

“What often happens now is that instead of talking to their partner when they are unhappy in the relationship or dissatisfied with their sex life, people get drawn into looking for a solution online.”

One in four people are dissatisfied with their sex life (24%) and a quarter also reported having an affair (25%).

The Way We Are Now 2014 included an additional survey carried out by Relate of 250 Relate and Relationships Scotland counsellors, who listed three factors for a happy sex life: improving communication, making time to be together and learning how to talk about sex with your partner.

The study finds a clear link between relationships and high levels of wellbeing but simply being in a relationship doesn’t guarantee that people will feel good about themselves: it’s the quality of the relationship that has an impact on wellbeing and happiness.

worriedRelationships Scotland said it is worrying that one in ten people don’t have a single close friend and one in five rarely or never felt loved in the two weeks before the survey.

Anne said, “It’s very sad the number of people who don’t have a close friend. Research suggests it is linked to the rise of the internet. While someone could have hundreds of friends on Facebook they might feel these are superficial rather than friendships of real substance. Online you only use one channel of communication and it’s hard to connect with people. When you are face to face you can feel, hear, see and really interact so it’s much better for building friendships and deeper levels of intimacy.”

The report finds a strong connection between our relationships and our personal wellbeing. In today’s fast-paced and ever-changing world, relationships still act as ‘shock absorbers’ when times are hard.

Relationships Scotland says the research shows that couples and families can get the help they need to invest time and effort into building stronger relationships.

Stuart Valentine, Chief Executive of Relationships Scotland, said: “This new study examines the quality of our relationships, showing a clear link between our personal relationships and our wellbeing. Whilst there is much to celebrate, the results around how close we feel to others are very concerning. There is a significant minority of people who never or rarely feel loved or who have no close friends.”

“We know that strong relationships are vital for both individuals and society as a whole, so investing in them is crucial. Through our network of services around Scotland we provide support, advice and counselling to couples, families and individuals as well as mediation. The help is there and we hope that anyone who feels they need a helping hand will get in touch with us.”

For advice or further information go to

www.relationships-scotland.org.uk

or telephone 0845 119 2020

holding hands