I suppose it was inevitable. Drama, tragedy,comedy and farce; the trials and tribulations of the once-mighty Rangers FC have been turned into a stage musical.
Successful producer/director partnership Kelvin Grove and George Square will bring their latest production to the Fringe this August.
‘Rangers – The Musical’ boasts an impressive cast. Comedy wrestler Grado – (‘catchphrase: ‘it’s yersel’!’) – (pictured above) will play lead role William ‘Billy’ Boyne and Glenda Govan, his feisty wee love interest, will be played by feisty wee newcomer Easter House. Billy’s mouthy maw will be played, of course, by Elaine C Smith and Billy ‘Big Yin’ Connolly is to play Billy’s wicked (i.e. Celtic-supporting) stepfather.
It’s understood Tim Healy has been cast as Mike Ashley, Christopher Biggins will play Sir Alex Ferguson and Johnny Vegas will play Ally McCoist. Les Dennis is Craig Whyte, Brian Blessed has been cast as King William of Orange and David Tennant will play a senior HMRC official. Jimmy Nail has been pencilled in to play Rangers latest star striker signing and Cheryl Fernandez-Versini plays his glamorous girlfriend. There are roles too for James Cosmo (the ghost of Bill Struth) and Wee Jimmy Krankie, who will play broadcaster Chick Young.
The cast of Scottish soap River City are also heavily involved in the all-star production. The Shieldinch team are going to be busy: they play a flute band in the first act, fans on a supporters bus in the second – and during the ‘half-time’ interval they’ll be serving pies and bovril and leading the audience in some fine traditional songs from the bygone days of yore!
It’s a dream come true for actor Billy McElhaney (pictured above, right), who plays Jimmy in the popular soap. “I’ve follow, followed the Teddy Bears since I was a laddie so this production is a real pleasure for me. When I read through the script I thought to myself: hullo, hullo … this is the Billy boy’s! I can’t wait for August – rehearsals are going well and it’s great to be working with Grado (catchphrase: ‘gaun yersel’!) again.”
Audiences will be delighted to see the return to the stage of popular 1980s game show host Jim Bowen (above), who has an all-too-brief walk-on part as His Holiness Pope Benedict XVI.
The Bullseye funster quipped: “I must be the only cast member to have been alive when the original Rangers was formed! I don’t have too many lines to remember – well, just one: ‘you get nothing in his game for two in a bed’. The writers cut my other one ‘you can’t beat a bit of bully’ as they don’t want to offend anyone. So it’s not exactly hard work, but the pay is ridiculously generous – perfect for someone of my advancing years. Actually Kris Boyd and Kenny Miller were saying just the same thing the other day!”
Set in trendy west end bistro Bar Linhe, ‘Rangers – The Musical’ tells the story of young shipyard apprentice Billy Boyne. Young Billy, who is played by comic wrestler Grado (catchphrase ‘**** yersel’!). Billy lives for his football – until Glenda comes along. Inevitably, love blossoms and the happy couple save up to get married – but things are going downhill fast at Ibrox Park. Should young Billy keep saving for that dream home in Bearsden – or invest their life savings in shares to save his beloved Rangers?
Songs from the show include ‘Money, Money, Money’, ‘Don’t Walk Away’, ‘It’s All Over Now, Baby Blue’, ‘Fog on the Tyne’ and that rousing, ever- popular showstopper ‘The ‘Tash My Father Wore’.
Speaking from his accountants’ office in the Cayman Islands, Mr Grove (above) said: “The Ibrox story is a tale that simply had to be told, and what better way than through the medium of drama, music and dance? This show has the lot – laughter, tears, great songs, court cases, everything.
“The original plan was to launch the show in London’s West End -we had a couple of prestigious venues lined up, but the bottlers pulled out at the last minute – so we’ve decided to take ‘Rangers’ to Edinburgh. It’s a bit of a gamble, as the snobs, poseurs and luvvies through there are not sure to ‘get’ the Glesca banter – but we’ll perfect it through there before bringing the show back to our dear green place, our spiritual home. And if no one likes us? We don’t care! And yes, of course everyone will get paid …”
Tickets, priced £16.90 (strictly cash only, preferably used notes – no concessions) go on sale soon. Don’t miss it!
‘It’s criminal, so it is’ – The Hun Currant Bun
“It’ll huv ye in stitches!” – The Daily Ranger
‘Mair twists and turns than a Davie Cooper mazy run’ – The Govan Gazette
‘Disappointing’ – The Catholic Herald
