Tag: counselling

Pressure on relationships rising due to cost of living crisis

Family mediation experts offer advice on choosing a relationship counsellor

As the cost of living crisis puts pressure on relationships, experts encourage people to reach out for help before relationships break down completely.

Relationships Scotland, the largest provider of relationship support in the country, is offering advice to anyone looking to embark on counselling. The leading family mediation experts say there are five key questions to ask before choosing a relationships counsellor.

Stuart Valentine, Chief Executive of Relationships Scotland said: “Making the decision to seek help to deal with relationship issues is not easy, it can be a daunting process admitting you need help, let alone navigating the many different options available.

“Relationships Scotland strives to offer couples and individuals a safe space to discuss their concerns and our five step guide aims to make taking the first step as easy as possible.”

Relationships Scotland says anyone thinking about counselling should ask the following five questions:

Are they trained to work with relationships?

Before you begin counselling it is important to establish the level of your counsellor’s training and their experience. In recent years it is usual for a counsellor to do either a one-year full time or a two-year part-time course. It is also important to find out what areas of relationships the counsellor can work with. It is especially important to check that the counsellor is qualified to work with couples, if you hope to go to counselling with your partner.

Is there someone checking that they are working to the right standards?

Relationships Scotland counsellors are required to undertake a minimum number of hours of casework per year. They are also required to participate in clinical supervision with a supervisor who is experienced in couple work. This helps ensure that all of counsellors are properly trained and supported in their work.

What will they do with the information I give them?

Your counsellor will discuss confidentiality with you and where there might limits on this confidentiality, such as when someone might be at risk. This is to ensure your safety and the safety of others.

Where will I see the counsellor?

Relationships Scotland has over 200 counsellors covering the whole of mainland and island

Scotland. Face-to-face and online appointments are available and there will be a service covering your area.

Will there be a charge?

All Relationships Scotland affiliated local services that provide relationship counselling receive some funding from the Scottish Government. This does not cover all the costs, however, and so some services may ask for a donation or may make a charge, depending on income.

If you are on low income, please let the service know and they work with you to make sure you receive the support you need.

Stuart Valentine added: “Relationships Scotland understands the importance of positive and resilient relationships and the damage which relationship breakdown can cause if not handled properly, especially for children.

“We want to make counselling as accessible and as helpful as possible for anyone needing this type of support.”

More children turn to Childline

  • Childline delivered more than 4,000 counselling sessions, including 273 in Scotland, to children and young people with worries around body image and eating disorders
  • 40% of these counselling sessions take place during the summer – June to September
  • Childline reminds children the service is here to support them during holidays

Childline, the counselling service run by the NSPCC, reveals new data showing that 40% of all the counselling sessions they delivered last year on eating disorders and body image took place in the summer months (June to September).

Across the whole year  – April 2022 to March 2023 –  Childline delivered 4,179 counselling sessions to  children struggling with  these issues. 273 of these were in Scotland.

1656 (40%) of those counselling sessions based on these topics took place from June to September , the lead up to and the duration of the six-week summer break.

Eating disorders and body image issues were the 6th most common concern for children contacting Childline in 2022/23 in Scotland.

During this year’s summer holiday, Childline knows that many children might be struggling to cope with these issues and wants to remind them that  their  trained counsellors and online services are here to support them.

Childline insight

Common themes that came out of Childline  counselling sessions on body image and eating disorders include:

  • Comparisons to friends, siblings, and people on social media
  • Guilt around eating particular “bad” foods or guilt about eating at all
  • Negative comments from family, friends, bullies, and partners about their weight and body often contributes to body image concerns
  • Weight worries linked to lockdown, gaining weight due to lockdown inactivity or stress
  • Not knowing how to manage weight or fitness without going to extremes
  • Cancelling plans due to body image issues

Childline knows that there are number of factors that make the summer holiday a particularly tricky time for children and young people struggling with their body image or their relationship with food.

For some, the prospect of wearing clothing which shows their body more can make them feel under pressure to look a certain way, that they need to lose weight or change their appearance.

For others, this pressure is also reinforced as many will be spending more time online during the summer months to keep in touch with their friends and to stay entertained. As a result, we know many children may be exposed to more content online that might make them feel negatively about the way they way look.

Additionally, children who struggle with eating disorders might find a change in their day-to-day routine and eating habits over the summer period difficult to cope with.

A girl in Scotland aged 16 who reached out to Childline said*: “How is Tiktok full of so many beautiful people and I look like this? I stare out at my face in the mirror and can only see what needs fixing. My lips, my nose, my eyes, my cheeks. Even my friends agree my nose is huge. Make up doesn’t do what surgery and fillers can do.”

A boy aged 13 told the service: “I feel so guilty every time I eat. I’ve been trying to be healthy and cut down on food, but it doesn’t seem to be helping. My older siblings are all so skinny, everyone says they’re so handsome and look like models, then there’s just me. It’s been upsetting me so much lately, thank you for letting me offload how I’m feeling.”

Support

Kieran Lyons, Service Head of Childline said: “Every year our trained counsellors speak to hundreds children in the run up to and during the summer holidays who are struggling with their body image or eating disorders.

“Summer can be a really a tough time for anyone who is already dealing with these issues, and it also can be a time which can make others who ordinarily felt happy with their body image begin to feel negatively.

“Regardless of your situation or your worries, Childline is here to ensure  that no child is  left to cope alone with any worry they have.

“If you are struggling with your body image or an eating disorder, we want you to know that Childline is here to help, and we can support you on what you can do and how to make things feel better.”

If there is a young person in your life struggling with their body image or an eating disorder here are some tips on how best to support them:

  • Remind them that how they look is part of who they are and that their personality, achievements and the way they behave is important too.
  • Images they may see on TV, in magazines, in social media or online are often altered and airbrushed so what they are seeing isn’t always real.
  • Remind them that everyone is different and not to compare themselves to anyone else. Accepting themselves is all about them noticing things they are happy and unhappy about and realise that is what makes them unique.
  • To help build their confidence encourage them to spend time focusing on a hobby they enjoy.
  • Also, it may help if they write down every morning a few things they like about themselves.

All children can speak to a trained counsellor over the phone on 0800 1111, via email or on a 121 chat on the Childline website.

Children can also visit the website to find more advice on any concerns or questions they may have on body image and eating disorders and they can also use the service’s monitored message boards to get support from their peers.

Childline delivered 1,345 counselling sessions last year with children in Scotland experiencing suicidal thoughts or feelings

Children’s Mental Health Week 6 -12 February

  • From April 2021 to March 2022, Childline counsellors delivered 1,345 counselling sessions with children in Scotland who were experiencing suicidal thoughts or feelings

NSPCC Scotland has released new data from its Childline service to mark Children’s Mental Health Week and raise awareness of how we can help and support children when they are experiencing poor mental health and suicidal thoughts.

Children’s Mental Health Week (6-12 February) is an annual event in the UK that aims to raise awareness of children’s mental health. It is co-ordinated by the children’s charity Place2Be, and this year’s theme is Let’s Connect, encouraging children and young people to connect with others in healthy, rewarding, and meaningful ways.

This new data from the NSPCC reveals that Childline counsellors delivered 1,345 counselling sessions with children in Scotland who were experiencing suicidal thoughts or feelings last year from April 2021 to March 2022.

Adeniyi Alade, service head of Childline in Scotland, said: “At Childline, we know that hundreds of children across Scotland are struggling with their mental health, and it remains the number one concern that our counsellors speak to children about every day.

“Whilst some are grappling with anxiety, others are experiencing depression and suicidal thoughts and feelings. Many of these children tell our counsellors they are the first person they have spoken to and that they’ve not known who else to turn to.

“No matter what a child’s experience is, if they are struggling with their mental health, we believe it is essential they get the support they need to help them cope quickly. That’s why this children’s mental health awareness week we want to remind all young people that Childline is here for them 24/7, whether that be on the phone or via an email or 121 chat.

“As well as speaking with one of our counsellors, we also have lots of resources and advice available online like our monitored message boards which allow young people to speak with their peers and connect and share their experiences.”

Sandra Gordon, a Childline counsellor at NSPCC’s Glasgow call centre, said: “Over the last few years mental health has been a huge issue. For some young people things can be so tough at home and sometimes they think about taking their own life.

“They may feel anxious and be struggling on a lot of levels. Young people feel isolated when they have fallen out with friends, they are arguing with parents and finding their schoolwork difficult.

“We are there to listen, we’d never judge any young person, and we try to build their confidence and self-esteem. We allow them to explore other options and try to make them feel valued. For many young people it can be easier to talk to someone you don’t know and it helps to know they can remain anonymous.” 

A boy aged 15 from Scotland who called Childline said: “I’m going to kill myself tonight. Every day is so hard; everyone is upsetting me all the time.

“I’m just so stressed. I’ve been feeling like this all week but today things happened which are the last straw for me.”

Another 15-year-old boy who called Childline said: “For the past few months, I’ve been feeling lonely and like I’m nothing. Most recently I’ve had really dark thoughts about suicide.

“I’ve been self-harming as a distraction as wherever I go it’s always on mind – it seems to just follow me and it’s really overwhelming. I act as happy when I’m around my mum – she seems to think I’m fine but I’m really dying inside.

“I feel like nobody understands and I don’t know who to tell. I’m worried they’ll laugh and won’t believe me or say, ‘you out of all people can’t be feeling that!’.”

A boy aged 17 who called Childline said: “I keep getting these suicidal thoughts and I don’t know what to do about them. I try to distract myself or I ride them out, but the thoughts always end up coming back.

“You’re the first person I’ve told this to. I don’t really want my mam to know cos it will only worry her and probably make me feel even worse.”

Advice for children:

  1. Talk to a trusted adult about how you are feeling and what is worrying you. This could be a parent, guardian, sibling over the age of 18, grandparent, teacher or a Childline counsellor. Sharing how you feel with someone you trust means that they can support you and give you ideas on how to cope. It will also help you feel less alone with your worries, and they can let you know that they will be here for you.
  2. Be kind to yourself. Speak to yourself like you would a friend and take the time to check in on your basic needs such as eating, drinking and resting.
  3. Take a break if you feel overwhelmed or are struggling to cope you could go for a walk or listen to some music to give yourself some headspace. Taking some deep breaths will also help you feel calmer and less panicked and you can visit Childline ‘s Calm Zone to find some activities that can help relax you.
  4. Try and build a healthy routine to give yourself some structure to your day. For example, you could set reminders on your phone to take regular breaks where you may read a book, go for a walk or ring a friend. Or you could get up earlier than normal and start your day with some deep breaths, some gentle exercise and have a healthy breakfast.
  5. Helping others or doing a random act of kindness can help you feel good about yourself and can distract you from your worries. This doesn’t have to be anything extravagant; it could be as simple as offering to do a house chore like the washing up or making someone a cup of tea.
  6. Contact Childline if you feel you have no-where else to turn or would like some extra support.
  7. Our counsellors are available 24/7 and you can get in touch online at childline.org.uk by email or 1-2-1  chat or on the phone on 0800 111 or. Our trained counsellors are here for you and no worry is ever too small.

For Adults:

  1. Let them know you’re there for them, this will reassure them that you are on their side and it will remind them that they can come to you about anything.
  2. Try talking to them over text or on the phone, if they don’t feel able to talk in person.
  3. Be patient and staying calm and approachable, even if their behaviour upsets you recognising that their feelings are valid and letting them know it’s okay for them to be honest about what it’s like for them to feel this way.
  1. Think of things you could do together to help them cope, like yoga, breathing exercises or mindfulness.
  2. Encourage them to talk to adult they trust like their GP, someone at their school or Childline. Especially if they’re finding it hard to talk at home.
  3. Take care of yourself and get support if you need to. Try not to blame yourself for what’s happening and stay hopeful.

Pride Month: Childline reports rise in counselling sessions about gender identity and sexuality

The NSPCC’s Childline has delivered 305 counselling sessions to young people in Scotland about gender identity and sexuality in the past year.

In more than 170 of these counselling sessions, young people mentioned coming out as a concern – an 11% increase from the previous year.

The children’s charity has released this data to mark Pride Month. Childline currently has around 370 volunteer counsellors, across its Glasgow and Aberdeen bases, who have heard first-hand how tough the past year has been for many children and young people due to challenges posed by the Coronavirus pandemic. Many have struggled with local lockdowns and being cut off from their usual support networks, while others have been worried about returning to school.

However, some young people described the lockdown as a time of reflection and a chance to take stock, and finding confidence to come out to their friends and family. Some also talked about feeling worried about the reaction they would get from other people.

A young person who spoke to Childline said: “I want to tell somebody that I’m gay but I just can’t find the courage to. I don’t want people to judge me or treat me any differently if they find out. Some people really hate gay people and I’m scared of what will happen if I tell someone”. (Girl, aged 12)

As restrictions continue to ease, it remains vital that all children and young people know where they can access help and support.

This Pride Month, Childline reminds young people that the service is here for them. All children can speak to a trained volunteer counsellor over the phone, via email or on a one-to-one chat on the Childline website.

The NSPCC also has information on it’s website for parents and carers on how to talk to children about their sexuality and advice on how to help keep them safe.

Lauren Burke, Childline Glasgow team manager, said: “At Childline, we know that coming out or speaking about sexuality and gender identity can be really challenging.

“Many children and young people who have spoken to our trained volunteer counsellors have described their time under lockdown as a period of reflection, a chance to think about important issues in their lives, both recent and historic.

“Some children with sexuality and gender concerns revealed that lockdown had been particularly hard for them, as they’d been cut off from their usual support networks. Whereas others told Childline that lockdown had given them the confidence and freedom to come out to their friends and family.

“No matter what a young person’s experience is with coming out or speaking about their gender identity or sexuality, at Childline we believe every young person has a right to be listened to and speak about any worries or questions they may have without feeling judged.

“If a young person feels unable to speak to a trusted adult in their life then we would encourage them to speak to Childline.”

Adults concerned about a child can contact the NSPCC helpline on 0808 800 5000 or email help@nspcc.org.uk. Children can contact Childline on 0800 1111.

Fundraise for Held In Our Hearts this September

Held In Our Hearts are looking for your help in virtual events in September

The Edinburgh Marathon weekend was due to take place on 5th and 6th September and now will be a virtual event.

You can sign up and run your chosen distance anytime between now and the end of December  and fundraise for Held In Our Hearts. You will still receive that all important blue t -shirt and medal. https://virtual.edinburghmarathon.com

The Edinburgh Kiltwalk was due to take place on 13th September  but will now go ahead as a virtual event.

You can still sign up and walk your chosen distance and fundraise for the charityhttps://thekiltwalk.co.uk/events/edinburgh

Held In Our Hearts is a local charity proving baby loss counselling and support to families. Formerly known as SANDS Lothians, we have 40 years’ experience of offering compassionate care bereavement care in the community.

When a family’s baby dies, it is an incredibly traumatic and extremely lonely time as parents struggle to find others who can connect with the overwhelming emotions they experience.

The majority of our staff are bereaved themselves, so we are there to let them know they are not alone. Through our support services, we journey with families providing empathy, while they start to come to terms with what has happened and help support them in their grief.

As we are now going into the second half of 2020  bereaved families need your support more than ever and as the world starts to return to a new normal our families know that life without their precious baby is a new normal for them.

For more information on your events or if you want to fundraise in other ways you can contact tracy@heldinourhearts.org.uk

Dedicated counselling service for all secondary school pupils

Professional counselling services will be available to all secondary school pupils who require it by September next year.

Agreement has been reached between the Scottish Government and COSLA on the detailed allocation of £60 million over four years. This funding will build or expand high quality counselling services for children and young people.

Counselling services currently delivered by qualified and registered counsellors through Pupil Equity or Scottish Attainment funding will continue, enabling local authorities to reallocate those funds to other priorities to help close the attainment gap.

School counsellors help support young people’s emotional, behavioural and mental health. Importantly, pupils will also have access to counsellors during school holidays, providing vital continuity of care.

Mental Health Minister Clare Haughey said: “Children and young people can face many issues growing up and must have the right support available at the right time.

“Providing every secondary school with access to at least one counsellor by next year is a significant step forward in our package of measures to improve the mental health support available for children and young people.”

Commenting on the announcement, a spokesperson for the Scottish Children’s Services Coalition said: “This is very welcome news and is a vital step in improving the mental health of our children and young people through early intervention.

“School counsellors help support young people’s emotional, behavioural and mental health. Importantly, pupils will also have access to counsellors during school holidays, providing vital continuity of care.

“It has been estimated that the cost of five sessions of counselling is equivalent  to just one contact with child and adolescent mental health services (CAMHS).

“Therefore, investing a fraction of the mental health budget on school-based counselling services helps to keep the individual in school and avoid an unneccesary and often stigmatising mental health diagnoses, as well as reducing the burden on stretched and costly CAMHS provision.”

 

 

Childhood abuse survivors access support in their own safe place

Health in Mind’s counselling service just a free call away

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ACCESSING support anonymously can be a barrier for many adults who experienced abuse as children, particularly those living in rural and remote areas of Scotland. Continue reading Childhood abuse survivors access support in their own safe place

talktime: there for young people

TalkTime logo

Talktime Edinburgh is a counselling service for 16-25 year olds with physical disabilities.

TalkTime offer weekly one hour sessions of counselling from their base on Leith’s Great Junction Street with a fully trained professional counsellor. They are happy to take referrals by phone or email. For further information please look at the website – link below.

www.talktimeedinburgh.co.uk

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Forget the internet – you need friends

laptop keyboardA leading support charity is calling on couples in Edinburgh to get in touch with their local service if they need help, after a new study found that the internet is one of the biggest causes of relationship problems.

Published by Relationships Scotland, The Way We Are Now 2014 lifts the lid on our relationships and sex lives. The study is one of the largest of its kind.

The report asked more than 5000 people across the UK how they feel about their sex life and relationships.

It reveals some concerning statistics around how close we feel to others, with one in five or 18% rarely or never feeling loved in their relationship and one in ten saying they didn’t have a close friend.

The charity said that in as many as 50 to 70% of cases in couple counselling in Scotland the internet had an impact on the relationship yet in the study very few people reported the internet as causing a problem in their relationship

Only 1% of respondents said they’d cheated with someone online but not in person.

This clashes with the findings from the survey of counsellors, with many of them reporting the use of social media and online pornography as an issue that comes up in the counselling room in over half of cases.

Anne Chilton, Head of Counselling said, “There is a disconnect here between what people see and assume their partner is doing and what they are actually doing. Seeing your partner on line night after night you maybe assume they are just browsing. Its only when you look at what they are actually looking at do you find that there is problem. Maybe they are chatting to someone else, or looking at porn. Either way, this is the point couples come to us for help. What maybe started as a solution to loneliness in a relationship now becomes the problem.”

“What often happens now is that instead of talking to their partner when they are unhappy in the relationship or dissatisfied with their sex life, people get drawn into looking for a solution online.”

One in four people are dissatisfied with their sex life (24%) and a quarter also reported having an affair (25%).

The Way We Are Now 2014 included an additional survey carried out by Relate of 250 Relate and Relationships Scotland counsellors, who listed three factors for a happy sex life: improving communication, making time to be together and learning how to talk about sex with your partner.

The study finds a clear link between relationships and high levels of wellbeing but simply being in a relationship doesn’t guarantee that people will feel good about themselves: it’s the quality of the relationship that has an impact on wellbeing and happiness.

worriedRelationships Scotland said it is worrying that one in ten people don’t have a single close friend and one in five rarely or never felt loved in the two weeks before the survey.

Anne said, “It’s very sad the number of people who don’t have a close friend. Research suggests it is linked to the rise of the internet. While someone could have hundreds of friends on Facebook they might feel these are superficial rather than friendships of real substance. Online you only use one channel of communication and it’s hard to connect with people. When you are face to face you can feel, hear, see and really interact so it’s much better for building friendships and deeper levels of intimacy.”

The report finds a strong connection between our relationships and our personal wellbeing. In today’s fast-paced and ever-changing world, relationships still act as ‘shock absorbers’ when times are hard.

Relationships Scotland says the research shows that couples and families can get the help they need to invest time and effort into building stronger relationships.

Stuart Valentine, Chief Executive of Relationships Scotland, said: “This new study examines the quality of our relationships, showing a clear link between our personal relationships and our wellbeing. Whilst there is much to celebrate, the results around how close we feel to others are very concerning. There is a significant minority of people who never or rarely feel loved or who have no close friends.”

“We know that strong relationships are vital for both individuals and society as a whole, so investing in them is crucial. Through our network of services around Scotland we provide support, advice and counselling to couples, families and individuals as well as mediation. The help is there and we hope that anyone who feels they need a helping hand will get in touch with us.”

For advice or further information go to

www.relationships-scotland.org.uk

or telephone 0845 119 2020

holding hands