Tag: bereavement

Charity urges bereaved Scots to seek help before paying high funeral costs

  • SunLife Cost of Dying annual report finds rises in professional fees and send-off costs has pushed the overall cost of dying to £9,200
  • The cost of a basic funeral remains historically high, but has fallen by 0.6% to £3,953 in Scotland.

The recent news that the overall cost of dying has increased to well over £9,000 will be making a lot of people worry how they will pay, should a loved one pass away without any financial plans in place.

However, the Sunlife Cost of Dying Report 2023 https://www.sunlife.co.uk/funeral-costs/ has found the cost of a basic funeral has dropped. This appears to be partly the result of the growing acceptability of simpler funerals and direct cremations.

Despite this, the funeral poverty charity Caledonia Funeral Aid is still advising bereaved people to contact them for support, before resorting to drastic measures such as using loan sharks, fundraising, or selling possessions.

Co-founder and chair John Halliday explains why: “Despite the glimmer of good news here, our relentless fight to try to push down funeral prices will need to continue. It is harder than ever for people facing a cost-of-living crisis to find even the money for a basic funeral.

“We are particularly concerned about the growing problem of funeral directors requiring deposits – we have heard time and time again people turned away from every funeral directors because they don’t have the hundreds or thousands of pounds of cash required for the initial deposit.

“Others take on a huge debt they can’t afford because they feel like there is no alternative. Indeed, the report has found that there has been a rise in the number of people taking out a debt to pay for the funeral.

“At Caledonia Funeral Aid, we provide free advice on how to organise and pay for a funeral, what financial help is available and how to cope with a recent bereavement.

“We offer simple, dignified and cremations through our not-for-profit funeral directors Caledonia Cremation, which we set up in 2018 to support those facing funeral poverty.”

Donna turned to Caledonia Funeral Aid after her friend Adam died earlier this year:

“I approached several funeral directors who turned me away when they heard money was an issue. I was so worried as I wanted to honour Adam’s wishes and give him a decent send-off.

Luckily, I called Caledonia Funeral Aid, and they advised me of more affordable options and the financial assistance that was available. As a result, I managed to organise a dignified and caring funeral for my dear friend. I don’t know what I would have done if I hadn’t had that help.”

With demand for their services anticipated to continue in the current financial climate, John has issued an urgent callout to the public for help:

“We are charity-owned, and only have finite resources, so we are looking for kind-hearted Scots to join our team as volunteer funeral and bereavement guides.

“It may sound daunting, but the work we do is both important and rewarding. Dealing with a bereavement can be an overwhelming and distressing experience, especially when finances are an issue, so the clients we support really do appreciate having us to turn to, during these tough times.

“So, if you are bereaved or looking to make a real difference to people’s lives, please do call our advice line now 03000 113301. Our team are compassionate, friendly and will be there for you for as long as it takes.”

https://www.sunlife.co.uk/funeral-costs/

Sunlife-2023-reportDownload

Collective grief and shared loss: the psychology of national mourning

Collective grief and shared loss, the psychology of national mourning

Following the sad passing of Queen Elizabeth II, many people will be grieving and feeling loss. Psychologists from the British Psychological Society (BPS) have explained the psychology behind collective grief and national mourning, and how to cope if the death of the Queen triggers emotion and grief for you.

Professor Nichola Rooney, a chartered member of the BPS, explains the idea of collective grief, but also that we will all experience it slightly differently: “Collective grief is how we describe the reaction of a group of people (usually a nation, region or community) who experience the death of a significant figure from that nation/community or experience multiple deaths.

“While many will mourn individually, what we are witnessing so clearly in the media is the expression of collective grief. For many of us the death of Queen Elizabeth II has been the first time grief had been so widely displayed and discussed at a national level, with the numerous events and rituals and constant media coverage.

“It’s important to remember however that while grief is universal and is a normal response to loss that we will all experience during our lifetime, while there are some acknowledged similar experiences and reactions to loss, grief is unique to all of us. It is determined by our relationship with the deceased, to the meaning of their loss and how it effects our life.”

As well as collective grief, for many they may be experiencing, ‘re-grief’, with the death of the Queen and the media coverage triggering grief and emotions for loved ones lost, no matter how long ago they passed.

“Talking about dying is not something that we do very well in Western cultures, so this collective grief can often be difficult to deal with,” says Professor Rooney. “It can feel overwhelming and it can also trigger feelings about our own losses and experiences of grief and exacerbate existing psychological distress.

“For some people who lost loved ones during the pandemic there may be some feelings of resentment that the death of the monarch has involved so many memorials and opportunities to express grief. During the pandemic these rituals were denied to the grieving and our unprocessed collective grief from the pandemic, has undoubtedly been touched. But for all of us, the death of Queen Elizabeth and the huge media coverage can trigger grief for loved ones who have died, no matter how long ago.

“While this is a difficult time for many, there can actually be some benefits to seeing others mourn a loss in such an open way. It can give us permission to revisit our own experiences and to express our own grief again. We can find comfort through our connection to others with the same lived experience.”

If you are struggling following the death of a loved one, or increased anxiety/feelings of loss following the Queen’s death, the following places can serve as sources of support:

NSPCC issues advice for parents and carers to help support children with grief following the Queen’s death

Following the news about The Queen’s death children and young people have turned to Childline counsellors for support. They have discussed a range of different things, including:

  • Sadness for the loss of The Queen
  • Past bereavements that this has reminded them of (family members or friends passing away)
  • Issues around mourning in public and school’s announcements/assemblies
  • Feeling overwhelmed with all the news at the moment – with The Queen’s passing being one more sign of “how the world is getting worse”
  • The monarchy’s legacy
  • What the new King will do

Advice – for parents and carers

Following a huge and public loss like that of Queen Elizabeth II, it is normal for children and young people to feel the impact of the grief in their communities.

This may have raised questions for them about loss or remind them of their own experiences of bereavement.

There are a number of ways that adults can support children at this time:

  • Let them know that you’re there to listen to them and remind them that sharing how they feel can really help. Equally, give them space if they wish to be alone to process how they are feeling
  • Remind them that there are lots of small ways to let their feelings out. This could include expressing their feelings by doing something creative such as writing a letter to that person or keeping a diary of how they’re feeling
  • If they are upset about someone who has died, encourage them to think of the happy times they had with the person who died and share this with you so you can talk about them together
  • Remind them that it can take a long time to feel better if they have experienced a bereavement and that this is normal
  • If they are finding it hard to talk to you, let them know they can contact Childline for free, confidential support and advice on 0800 1111 or www.childline.org.uk

Shaun Friel, Childline Director, said: “It is not surprising that the death of Her Majesty The Queen has brought up different feelings for children and young people. When big world events take place such as this, we often see them being raised by children in Childline counselling sessions.

“Those that have turned to our counsellors have talked about a range of things including sadness about her death, questions about loss and grief, and for some young people, The Queen’s death has reminded them about a bereavement they have experienced in their own lives which will feel very difficult for them.

“Others have highlighted that it feels like another piece of very overwhelming news at the moment.

“Death is a very natural and inevitable part of life, but its also a very overwhelming topic for children to process and understand. It is important that children know there is someone they can talk to if they are feeling worried or upset. Remind them that there are trusted adults who can listen to them and that they can always contact Childline for free, confidential support and advice.”

Sir Peter Wanless, CEO of NSPCC, said: “Everyone at the NSPCC is devastated by the death of Her Majesty The Queen. She was our Royal patron for more than 60 years, which was just one of the countless ways she made a huge difference to the lives of children in the UK. Our thoughts go out to her family, including our current patron the Countess of Wessex.

“Her Majesty The Queen supported the NSPCC in a number of ways, including attending our centenary thanksgiving service at St Paul’s Cathedral in 1984, visiting our national training centre in 1989 and hosting a reception at St James Palace in 2007 to mark the end of our FULL STOP appeal. The NSPCC’s Royal patron is currently the Countess of Wessex.  

“We know that during this moment of national shock and mourning, many children will be feeling anxious. Support is available for children struggling with anxiety at Childline: Worries about the world | Childline”

Fringe 2022: How To Be A Better Human at Summerhall

‘Some Hedgehogs are Absolute Dickheads’

What does a 70-year-old man pulling dead rats out of gutters have to do with becoming a better human? Chris Singleton has the answer in his spoken word comedy show ‘How to be a Better Human’ at Summerhall this month.

“I lost my dad to bowel cancer in 2019,” says Chris. “And a few months later my wife left me.  So I did what anyone would do, and wrote a comedy about it.”

‘How to Be a Better Human’ is a spoken word comedy about grief, loss and self-acceptance. Set up as a Ted Talk, it features powerpoint comedy, animation and original music.

“I wanted to explore the lightness and humour in death and divorce,” continues Chris. “How we can lose everything and still find the strength to rebuild. How it helped me become better at empathising, connecting and understanding.”

His debut show has received glowing reviews on tour across the North, with many comments about how the show shifts between laughter and sadness.

“Death is something we’re all going to experience – that’s one thing we can be absolutely sure of. So why don’t we talk about it more? I’m hoping this show will spark conversation and understanding around the subjects of death and grief.”

To find out how growing a beard can be the best decision of your life, and why some hedgehogs are absolute dickheads, catch How to be a Better Human this month.

How to be a Better Human is on every day at 6pm until Saturday 28th August (excluding Monday 15th & Monday 22nd)

Summerhall, Red Lecture Theatre

HUSH: Breaking the Silence

Only two weeks to go until Victim Support Scotland’s #HUSH project launches at Many Studios in Glasgow!

A free multimedia exhibition which tells the stories of families who have been bereaved by crime in Scotland.

Click here to read more:

https://victimsupport.scot/hush-coming-soon/

New bereavement support service launches in Edinburgh

Times are extremely hard for many now, especially those who have lost someone during the last two years. 

The mental health of the bereaved has particularly suffered during these uncertain times, so a not-for-profit funeral director has launched Caledonia Funeral Aid which aims to provide an extra support system for recently bereaved people in Edinburgh. 

Caledonia Funeral Aid is an extension of the work of Caledonia Cremation – a social enterprise funeral directors set up to fight funeral poverty by offering not-for-profit cremations.

Since their inception in 2018, they have been supporting Scots facing the additional stress of not being able to afford a funeral. During that time, the social enterprise found the support required wasn’t just financial, but practical and emotional too.  So, they have extended their offer by launching Caledonia Funeral Aid.  

Co-founder John Halliday explained: “We have learnt that just providing a not-for-profit funeral wasn’t enough – people needed more. By setting up Caledonia Funeral Aid– we will provide full emotional and practical support to the recently bereaved. 

“We will provide a trained coach and funeral support worker to help Edinburgh residents who have experienced a bereavement in the past 6 months. This support will focus on their emotional needs. We will deeply listen to their needs and give them a safe and trusted place in which to discuss their loss and the impact on their lives. 

“We are delighted to launch this initially in Edinburgh, thanks to funding from Edinburgh Community Mental Health and Wellbeing Fund. However, our aim is to launch this nationwide very shortly. 

“With the average cost of a basic funeral sitting at £4,000, we receive calls from many people, especially those experiencing in-work poverty or students, who just can’t afford that amount. They don’t qualify for financial help and have nowhere to turn.  We never turn anyone away and through the fundraising efforts of Caledonia Funeral Aid we hope to extend our help to even more bereaved Scots nationwide. 

“We accept donations through our website and our team are also doing all the Kiltwalk this year so anyone wo wants to help us support more bereaved Scots can find a way to do so online.” 

Those wishing to access the support can call 03000 11 33 01. 

Funeral director’s Pay What You Can offer to bereaved families

The new year has got off to a bad start, and everyone has felt the negative effects of the recent restrictions caused by the rise of the Omicron variant. Plus the cost of basic household bills are rising. So, for those from low-income families who experience a bereavement, life must seem especially difficult.

So, a charity-owned funeral director has responded to the current Covid and cost of living crisis by offering pay-what-you can funerals for Lothian residents who have lost someone for the remainder of January.

2021 was a tough year for many. It also started with severe Covid restrictions which disproportionately affected low-income workers. Later in the year, it was announced that the £20 uplift in Universal Credit was to be removed, affecting over 450,000 Scottish households.

And this year, hard-up families face a rise in energy prices and inflation, leading to what has been described as “a cost-of-living crisis”. So, not surprisingly, 2022 may be looking very bleak for some Scottish families.

John Halliday, Co-Founder of Caledonia Cremation today announces a scheme to support bereaved people experiencing hardship this January: “Caledonia Cremation is not a traditional funeral director. When we launched in 2018, we became Scotland’s only social-enterprise funeral director. That means our first concern is people and not profits.

“I see all around that this pandemic has made rich people richer and poorer people poorer. I strongly feel it is up to society to do our bit now in helping those worst affected, however we can.

“People need better food, cheaper housing, catch-up education and help back into work. We can’t do all those things, but what we can do something about the cost of funerals.

“Sadly, it is a fact of life that everyone needs a funeral. But for some people their funeral is the most expensive purchase they ever make. The average cost of a basic funeral is over four thousand pounds.

“So, our contribution is this – we’ve decided to remove all our fees and just let bereaved families pay-what- you-can during this pandemic recovery period.

“There is no means testing, we trust people to know what they can and cannot afford.

“No one anywhere has ever done this before, so we are learning as we go.

“If someone wants to know the usual price, we can tell them. If generous people want to add more towards our fundraising to tackle the root causes of poverty, that is fantastic. But if all they can find to cover the funeral is a few hundred pounds, that’s absolutely fine too.

“No one should judge your worth based on the size of your savings.

“We hope everyone has a happy and healthy 2022, but if the unthinkable happens, then please know you are not alone – we are here and will do everything we can to support you throughout your loss.”

National Grief Awareness Week – 78% of us have NEVER spoken to a GP about bereavement

At the start of National Grief Awareness Week, Cruse Bereavement Support and the Royal College of GPs are announcing an exciting new partnership to strengthen bereavement support and understanding of grief for people across the UK.

In an important step for UK healthcare, the partnership aims to highlight just how impactful grief can be on a person’s physical and mental health.

New research released today by Cruse, shows that over three-quarters of adults in Britain (78%) have never spoken to a GP about a bereavement*.

With this staggering figure in mind, Cruse and the RCGP are making clear to people who may need additional support after experiencing a bereavement, whether recent or in the past, that they can connect with their GP practice team.

This will give GP teams the opportunity to identify people who may need additional support from bereavement services as well as offering information and advice on support available.

With support from a grant of more than £574,000 from The National Lottery Community Fund the largest funder of community activity in the UK, this campaign will supply GPs nationwide with a toolkit supporting them to provide consistent and compassionate support for grieving patients.

The toolkit also provides information and products for patients and healthcare staff – including an animation on the new partnership, a patient poster for all GP surgeries on bereavement and grief and a VBA (very brief advice) card for practice staff.

Sadly, nearly everyone will be affected by bereavement at some point in their life and it is vital that the right support is available and known for people who need it.

This exciting initiative delivered by Cruse Bereavement Support in partnership with The RCGP, is a big step toward ensuring healthcare groups and bereavement support charities are working in partnership to provide the best bereavement support for grieving people.

Steven Wibberley, Chief Executive of Cruse Bereavement Support comments: “Understanding grief and how it can affect your health is the first step towards getting the support you need – and GPs and practice teams can play a really important role in helping grieving people with this.

“That’s why we are so pleased to be collaborating with the RCGP in this important campaign to bridge the gap between healthcare and bereavement support. It’s our hope that this partnership will also ensure all grieving people, especially those who may feel alone and unsure of where to get help, are able to access the right support when they so desperately need it.”

Dr Catherine Millington-Sanders, Clinical Lead for Palliative and End of Life Care for the Royal College of General Practitioners comments: “After a bereavement, it’s natural to want and ask for support. Many people find support from their friends, family or community networks but others may be really struggling with their grief and find more formal support helpful.

“GP practices are a valued and important source of information, support and advice in our communities. This work between the RCGP and Cruse aims to equip GP practice teams with the tools to help identify people with bereavement needs and accessible information to sign-post people to appropriate bereavement support, ensuring the bereaved person is at the centre of every step.”

Barnardo’s resources to help teachers talk to pupils about grief

At the start of Children’s Grief Awareness Week, Barnardo’s is releasing resources for teachers to help children cope with bereavement. 

Before Covid-19, official stats showed one in 29 five-16 year olds had been bereaved of a parent or sibling – that’s at least one child in every average class. 

With more than 165,000 deaths from Covid-19 in the UK (deaths with Covid-19 on the death certificate), Barnardo’s says many more children and young people will be experiencing bereavement. 

Black people and men of Pakistani and Bangladeshi heritage are almost twice as likely to die from Covid-19 as White people, meaning children from these communities are more likely to experience loss. 

The free resources about grief are available on the Barnardo’s Education Community (BEC) website (https://www.educators-barnardos.org.uk/). 

They include an introductory worksheet which explores what grief is and a volcano-making activity that focuses on how grief impacts us. 

They also include some suggestions and advice about how to cope and who children can talk to when going back to school after someone special has died. 

Also in the resources are some coping techniques teachers can tell children about to use when times are difficult, exercises to help ground children and regulate their breathing. 

The resources will also be posted throughout Children’s Grief Awareness Week (November 18 to 24) on the Barnardo’s Education Community Twitter page (@BarnardosEduCom). 

Barnardo’s Interim Co-CEO Michelle Lee-Izu said: “Sadly the raw feelings of grief and loss will be familiar to thousands of children and families across the UK, especially during the Covid-19 pandemic. 

“Children have suffered a huge amount of loss in the last year. For most this has meant missing out on school and playing with their friends, but for too many children it has meant the loss of parents, grandparents and members of their family or community. 

“I hope that teachers who are discussing the issue of grief with their pupils during Children’s Grief Awareness Week will find our tips and resources useful – and that they will be used to assist schools and colleges to support children who are struggling in the future.”