Tag: Willie Black

Left wing campaigner Willie Black (pictured above) hit the headlines last week when he branded Work and Pensions Secretary Iain Duncan Smith a ‘scumbag’ at a conference in Edinburgh’s posh George Hotel. The Granton man’s attack on the Tory minister was seen by millions on news broadcasts and across social media sites – but what viewers didn’t know is that Black is actually related to some of the noblest families in the land, and that he and Duncan Smith are in fact old friends!

“It’s true”, said retired merchant banker Farquhar Finlay-Cameron. “William does indeed have blue blood in his veins and he can trace his family history back many generations. The Blackstone-Cuthbertson family seat was in the western highlands, as I recall. William and I roomed together at boarding school and he often stayed with our family over the school hols. We got up to some really jolly japes, I can tell you! We lost touch when William went down to Oxford and I went to Cambridge, but we still meet up at the start of the grouse shooting season every year. It was rather a shock to see him attacking IDS on television as I know the pair were inseparable at Oxford – they were known as ‘Laurel and Hardy’! Mother was very upset when she saw William’s outburst on television – he used to have such a cultured voice and she felt he sounded rather uncouth! I shall certainly rib him about this if I see him at Royal Ascot this summer!”

Theatre impresario Sir Cyril Westmacott-Smythe was an Oxford contemporary, studying Classics with ‘Laurel and Hardy’. He recalls: “I was one of the less privileged students but IDS and Wills always treated me as an equal – I remember Wills was kind enough to give me one of his old smoking jackets and the occasional morning suit. He was like that – so generous to us poorer types. I shall always be grateful for his support – and I still treasure the opera glasses Wills and IDS bought me as a graduation gift.

“Oh, we had such fun – there were some memorable characters but Wills and IDS were the life and soul of every soiree. Wills was a particularly good pianist and he and Iain would regularly entertain us with songs from the Gilbert and Sullivan songbook. They were supremely talented and much admired, and I had rather hoped to take the pair up to Edinburgh for the Fringe, as a Hinge and Bracket type duo. Sadly politics prevailed and it wasn’t to be – theatre’s loss was the class struggle’s gain, as it were – although they do say that politics is pantomime, so you could say the chaps are still performing and putting on a show! I do hope to meet up with them at Klosters next winter when we can relive those halcyon days.”

Willie Black claims to be a lifelong socialist and is currently a leading light in the North Edinburgh Fights Back campaign group. One comrade, who asked not to be named, said: “A few of us have had our suspicions about Willie for some time. Aye, he talked a good talk about the working class struggle and that, but when we went for a drink after our meetings he only ever sipped Pimm’s and lemonade. And after one demo when we stopped for chips Willie brought a silver knife and fork out of the pocket of his donkey jacket – and a clean napkin! Aye, some of us had our doubts and we’ve been proved right – another champagne socialist!”

Willie Black  – or rather William Blackstone-Cuthbertson – was unavailable for comment, but his friend Rupert suggested he may be salmon fishing on the Balmoral estate with Toby and Crispin.

Iain Duncan Smith was also unavailable for comment but a spokesperson said the minister ‘hopes to do some recreational angling over the Easter holidays’.