Tag: separation

Christmas without family tops concerns for Samaritans callers

Being separated from family and loved ones over the Christmas period is one of the biggest concerns facing callers to Samaritans, the charity has revealed.

Volunteers on the 24-hour helpline say almost a third of callers are feeling concerned about their wellbeing over Christmas, with the majority of those worried about being separated from family and loved ones, and coping with being lonely during Christmas or having to spend Christmas alone.

Samaritans surveyed 1,400 of its own volunteers in Ireland and the UK to see how callers to the helpline have been feeling about the festive season.

Niall Mulligan, Executive Director for Samaritans Ireland, wants to remind the public that Samaritans are there 24 hours a day, including Christmas Day, for anyone who is distressed, lonely or suffering.

Samaritans volunteers in the Republic of Ireland answered almost 40,000 calls in December 2019. More than 50 volunteers answered over 1,150 calls and written contacts on Christmas Day alone.

“It has been an unprecedented year with the pandemic affecting so many people’s health and wellbeing and this will be a very different Christmas for many people,” Mr Mulligan said.

“Some may not be able to visit family or friends, others may have family oversees who cannot travel home, and for others missing normal events, like Christmas Mass or socialising in the local pub, can be devastating.”

“We know that people struggle more at Christmas, as it’s a time when loneliness can really hit home. We want people to know that we are available 24/7 for everyone on freephone 116 123 or email jo@samaritans.ie.”

Among the volunteers on duty this Christmas Day will be Bernie Keane and her brother Thomas Carbery, who will be on duty together in Samaritans Waterford branch.

Bernie said it’s “no sacrifice” to volunteer on Christmas night as she loves being there for others when they need someone to talk to.

“I find it very rewarding to volunteer on Christmas Day,” said Bernie, who joined Samaritans 12 years ago.

“A lot of places close for Christmas, like care and day centres, and there are very lonely people, some with mental health issues, who may not see anyone for the whole of Christmas. Giving them 15 minutes just to talk to someone can make a difference.

“They may not be suicidal, but they’re so lonely. Other callers may have had a fall out with family members or other issues may surface like bereavement.”

Thomas joined Samaritans five years ago when he retired as a sergeant in the Irish Defence Forces.

“It can be hard sometimes on a particular call, but at the end of that call when someone says thank you for being there it feels good. You can’t get that feeling anywhere else,” he said.

“It’s nice to be there at Christmas when people need you and when they do not have anyone else to chat to. You could be the only person they talk to all day. It’s a good feeling to know you have been there for that person. It’s definitely been hard for people this year.”

Tonight, Samaritans in Ireland will also mark the Longest Night of the year – the Winter Solstice on Monday December 21st – by asking landmarks across the country to illuminate in green to remind people we’re there for them in their darkest hours.

Dublin’s Convention Centre, The Rock of Cashel, Kilkenny Castle, Millmount in Drogheda and Limerick County Council offices are among those taking part to raise awareness of our service.

Images will be shared across social media channels with the hashtags #LongestNight #AlwaysThere.

Alternative Solutions for Relationship Disputes

Family law experts in Edinburgh are suggesting five alternative solutions to couples wrestling with relationship disputes and unable to go to court to reach a resolution under current guidelines.

Gibson Kerr has seen an influx of requests from concerned parents and separating partners as to what options are available to resolve disputes while the courts remain closed for non-urgent cases.

Head of Family Law Fiona Rasmusen (above) said: “We try to encourage clients to adopt ways of resolving their family disputes and concerns which don’t involve a lengthy or expensive court process.

“With the courts currently closed for non-emergency disputes, now is an even better time to engage in an alternative method to try to resolve issues and concerns.

“The particular route you decide to take will depend on many things including the relationship that you have with your former partner and the nature of the dispute.”

The firm has revealed five common methods of resolving disputes that can take place outside of the courts. The more common disputes Gibson Kerr deal with include dividing assets, support, occupation of the family home, and childcare arrangements.

Fiona, an accredited expert in family law, said: “Former couples can sit down together and negotiate an agreement themselves, with advice from their lawyers to hand – this is what’s referred to as ‘Kitchen Table’ resolution.

“This can save a lot of legal fees, and can even make the relationship more amicable than other methods. Once you have terms decided, you should engage your solicitor to have the arrangements drafted into a formal agreement.”

For couples who can’t easily sit down together to discuss their separation, they might find it easier to work with a neutral mediator to come to an agreement. Gibson Kerr advises that couples have separate legal advice throughout the process, and ask their solicitors to create an agreement once they have reached a resolution.

Collaborative law is another avenue open to couples in conflict, where they work with specially trained solicitors to come together and reach a fair and reasonable settlement. In these situations, both parties agree they will not raise court proceedings, meaning it is less likely to result in a total breakdown of relationships.

Fiona said: “The most common way family law disputes are dealt with is negotiations through solicitors, where each party’s solicitor works to come to an agreement – outside of a court.

“Instead of going to courts, we also encourage clients to look at arbitration, where an independent and qualified arbitrator is appointed to hear a case and make a decision. Arbitration can be very useful if there are one or two important points you want to solve, for example deciding the date you separated, or where your child should go to school.

“As well as being completely confidential, you choose your arbitrator and you can decide the timescales and how the proceedings are managed – including where and when it takes place.”

“When the courts reopen fully, separated partners can look to raise an action. The advantages of going to court are that the process is strict in terms of fairness and timescales, and you will get a definite result at the end of it.

“However, as it’s expensive and lengthy, and can be stressful, we tend to advise clients to look at all of the other options available ahead of making the decision to go to court.”

Anyone interested in alternative methods of dispute resolution should contact one of the family law solicitors at Gibson Kerr on 0131 226 9161.

Dealing With Child Arrangements When Families Break Up

Although Christmas is now a distant memory, for many families it only served to heighten tensions when it comes to the issue of child arrangements for parents who have separated.

But, of course, the issues surrounding separated or divorced parents seeing their children are the same throughout the year. Sally Nash, Senior Associate, Family Law at Gilson Gray, shares four helpful tips on dealing with the factors that may arise when reaching an agreement on child care arrangements.

  1. There is no normal

It is important to bear in mind that there is no “norm”. Clients often come to us to say that a well-meaning friend or colleague has told them that a particular pattern of contact is what “always happens”; or that it is a given that any children will principally reside with mum.

While there are certain patterns of contact which we see more often than others, ultimately what parents agree upon varies significantly.

The days are also long gone where it is presumed that the person best placed to have the children with them most of the time is mum. The law clearly directs that all such matters are determined based on what is in the best interests of the particular child concerned. Inevitably, that will vary from child to child.

The arrangements will also hugely depend on practicalities such as how close the parents live to one another. The bottom line is that there is no right or wrong answer to any situation.

2. Watch your language

Although the concepts of “custody” and “access” have been a thing of the past in Scotland since 1995, we all too often hear those terms and think of negative connotations – that a child “belongs” to one parent and the other parent is “permitted” to see the child.

However, whilst there are a few exceptions; in most family situations now both parents will have equal parental rights and responsibilities and both are entitled to be involved in all important decisions.

In our view, it helps if discussions are framed against the background of the correct terminology of “residence” and “contact” which more appropriately reflects what the discussion is about.

3. Put the child first

Even where a separation is amicable, parents can fall into the trap of making the care arrangements for their children about them and their separation, and not about the children themselves.

We would advise to give careful consideration where there is a dispute about care arrangements as to whether what is being objected to is because what is proposed is not felt to be in the best interests of the child, or if it is actually connected to the impact it would have on the parent themselves.

4. Try to find a solution

In the first instance our advice would always be to try to work with the other parent to come up with an arrangement that best meets the needs of your child.

For two parents who are struggling to resolve arrangements directly between them, there are methods of alternative dispute resolution available such as mediation where a third party can try to help you and the other party to work through the issues that have arisen.

However if the arrangements cannot be agreed, the ultimate recourse is to the court. As solicitors working day to day in this field, our advice would always be to avoid court if possible.

The bottom line is that once the arrangements for the care of the child are within the remit of the court, essentially a third party will try to make the best decision they can about what is in the best interest of the child, but what is decided may not give either parent what they want..

Ultimately, communication and cooperation between both parents is key to reducing conflict.

Sally Nash is a Senior Associate in Gilson Gray’s Family Law Team. She has worked exclusively in the field of family law for the last 15 years.

For more information or guidance on dealing with issues related to family law, visit www.gilsongray.co.uk