At the start of Children’s Grief Awareness Week, Barnardo’s is releasing resources for teachers to help children cope with bereavement.
Before Covid-19, official stats showed one in 29 five-16 year olds had been bereaved of a parent or sibling – that’s at least one child in every average class.
With more than 165,000 deaths from Covid-19 in the UK (deaths with Covid-19 on the death certificate), Barnardo’s says many more children and young people will be experiencing bereavement.
Black people and men of Pakistani and Bangladeshi heritage are almost twice as likely to die from Covid-19 as White people, meaning children from these communities are more likely to experience loss.
They include an introductory worksheet which explores what grief is and a volcano-making activity that focuses on how grief impacts us.
They also include some suggestions and advice about how to cope and who children can talk to when going back to school after someone special has died.
Also in the resources are some coping techniques teachers can tell children about to use when times are difficult, exercises to help ground children and regulate their breathing.
The resources will also be posted throughout Children’s Grief Awareness Week (November 18 to 24) on the Barnardo’s Education Community Twitter page (@BarnardosEduCom).
Barnardo’s Interim Co-CEO Michelle Lee-Izu said: “Sadly the raw feelings of grief and loss will be familiar to thousands of children and families across the UK, especially during the Covid-19 pandemic.
“Children have suffered a huge amount of loss in the last year. For most this has meant missing out on school and playing with their friends, but for too many children it has meant the loss of parents, grandparents and members of their family or community.
“I hope that teachers who are discussing the issue of grief with their pupils during Children’s Grief Awareness Week will find our tips and resources useful – and that they will be used to assist schools and colleges to support children who are struggling in the future.”
With National Grief Awareness Day on 30 August, I’d like to highlight Cats Protection’s grief support service for cat owners.
Now in its fifth year, Paws to Listen is there for anyone facing the heartbreak of losing their cat, struggling with issues like euthanasia, or whose cat has gone missing. It is a free and confidential service, connecting callers with a volunteer listener over the telephone or via email.
Pet loss is not always fully recognised in society as a significant loss, causing many to be reluctant to talk about their grief. Additionally, Covid restrictions in the past year or so have often meant that people could not be with their pets at the point of euthanasia, which has compounded people’s grief. We feel it is important to normalise pet grief and let people know that they’re not alone and it’s OK to talk about it.
This year, our Paws to Listen service is being supported by players of People’s Postcode Lottery. I’d like to say a huge thank you to them for their continued support, which is also helping us to take care of cats at our centres and speak up for cats through our campaigning work.
The Paws to Listen phone line is open 9am-5pm Monday to Friday (excluding Bank Holidays) and can be reached on 0800 024 94 94.
Demystifying Death Week, 10 – 16 May, is about giving people knowledge, skills & opportunities to plan & support each other through death, dying, loss & care.
@StColumbas will be taking part in the Week’s activities.
St Columba’s Hospice Care is pleased to be supporting Demystifying Death Week (10-16 May), shining a light on death, dying and bereavement in Scotland.
Demystifying Death Week is about giving people knowledge, skills and opportunities to plan and support each other through death, dying, loss and care. Here in Scotland, the Week is organised by Good Life, Good Death, Good Grief as part of the Scottish Partnership for Palliative Care (SPPC) and it runs in parallel to Dying Matters week in England.
“If people know a bit more about death and dying, they’re in a better position to take control of their own situation, support others, make plans and have informed decisions about what they’d want when the time comes,” said Rebecca Patterson, Director of Good Life, Good Death, Good Grief.
At St Columba’s, our Supportive Care and Compassionate Communities teams and wider Hospice community will be engaging with Demystifying Death Week through supporting and taking part in the programme of activities. We wanted to share these with you in case you would like to sign up for any of the events too.
Here are some of the workshops and webinars available:
Unexpected Consequences: A Webinar on Bereavement: Tuesday 11 May, 13:30 to 15:15
Topics:
People dying at home during Covid (Dr Jan Savinc, Napier University)
How disenfranchised grief has been affected by Covid-19 (Paul Parsons, Adult Bereavement Coordinator for St Christopher’s Hospice)
Digital Accessibility and the impact on grief (Donna Hastings, Child and Families Worker for St Columba’s Hospice Care, Edinburgh)
Loss & the Creative Arts: Music, Poetry & other Arts as Expression of Grief: Thursday 13 May 2021, 13:00 to 15:00
This is an event for Dying Matters Week, chaired by Professor Lynne Gabriel and Dr John Wilson of York St John University Counselling and Mental Health Centre, who will introduce the work of (in alphabetical order):
Laura Fitton, Nursing sister and published poet who works with Covid19 on the NHS front line
Kev Fitzpatrick, singer songwriter,
Sioux Hill, bereaved by Covid, singer with the Alone Together Choir
Mick Jenkinson. singer songwriter and published poet
Liam Meyer NHS worker and founder of the Alone Together Choir, as seen on BBC News
Sarah Villeneau, ceramicist whose work is both beautiful and macabre
The event will be of interest to those who are grieving and anyone who works with death, dying, bereavement and grief, including counsellors, bereavement supporters and volunteers who are interested in working more creatively. The event will include a question and answer session.
You may also be interested in accesssing a series of free webinars offered by Child Bereavement UK for professionals working with children and young people in Scotland:
A cat missing for nine months and presumed dead is reunited with a grieving young girl – and her reaction is priceless.
After nine months of searching for her beloved cat, 10-year-old Katya Harmon had reluctantly accepted that she wouldn’t see Timmy again. The pair had been inseparable since they bonded eight years previously and the loss made 2020 an even more difficult year for Katya.
Katya’s father Perry had died of cancer in the summer and the family was so overcome with grief that her mother Svitlana took extended leave from her role as a care home worker to come to terms with the loss and care for Katya.
In January the Surrey family moved from Chertsey to West End, Woking. Timmy was kept indoors for the first few weeks but, on only the second time being let out in his new neighbourhood, he failed to return home. They searched garages and sheds, knocked on doors and posted on social media, but no sightings were reported.
Katya was inconsolable for weeks, living in hope of his safe return. After being missing for nine months, mum Svitlana felt the time had come to accept that Timmy was gone for ever and she would need to help her daughter heal. The process started with Svitlana getting rid of Timmy’s toys and bedding, unaware that their luck was about to change.
Within days, Svitlana received a ground-shaking call while doing the school run. Incredibly, Timmy had been found safe and well and would be coming home, thanks to him being microchipped (https://youtu.be/moZDgX-dfEc).
Pauline Welch, Welfare Officer for Cats Protection’s Woking and District Branch said: “We had a report from a lady who had been feeding a suspected stray cat for a couple of months. I went round and scanned him for a microchip, which he had thankfully. While there I looked up the number on our system and saw that it had been registered to an address in Chertsey.”
Although Svitlana hadn’t updated their address on Timmy’s microchip, her mobile number remained the same and Woking’s Cats Protection team (www.cats.org.uk/woking) was able to call and break the happy news.
Pauline said: “The lady who answered was indeed missing her cat Timmy and was over the moon that he’d been found. Her daughter had been devastated when he went missing and had asked her mum that very morning if she’d ever see him again. It’s a heart wrenching story with a happy ending.
“It certainly brought a few tears to our eyes, that’s for sure!”
Relieved mum Svitlana was bowled over when she took the call. She said: “I had just taken Katya to school when I received a totally unexpected call from Cats Protection. I had given up hope of ever receiving such a call. Timmy was coming home. It was almost unbelievable.
“I knew that Katya would be overjoyed to see Timmy. That was when I hit on the idea of filming that special moment, to capture Katya’s reaction to finding Timmy hiding on her bed.”
No sooner had Pauline made the call than Timmy was delivered back to his home.
All the while Katya was at school and couldn’t imagine the surprise waiting for her on her return.
Thankfully, Svitlana captured that moment when Katya is reunited with her beloved cat on video: https://youtu.be/moZDgX-dfEc
The joyful return of Timmy went some way to improving a devastating year for Katya and her mum.
Svitlana said: “We’ve had it hard this year, like so many people. It has been hard to see any end to it. And then I had a miracle call from Cats Protection. It really brought some light back into our world.
“If it wasn’t for that microchip, we wouldn’t have Timmy home with us now. He won’t leave Katya’s side and she is besotted with him. He came back to us two days before my birthday; that really was the best present I could have hoped for this year.”
Cats Protection’s work is possible thanks to the generous donations of supporters and volunteers, especially during the COVID-19 crisis when fundraising has been hit hard.
Timmy’s story mirrors Cats Protection’s Christmas campaign featuring a tear-jerking animation created by multi award-winning Aardman Studios. The beautiful three-minute animation is inspired by the true story of a young boy and his missing cat, Casper, and highlights the value of microchips for pets.
According to Cats Protection’s CATS report 2020*, over a quarter (26%) of owned cats in the UK are not chipped. The charity is actively campaigning to change this by making it a legal requirement for cats to be microchipped, as it is for dogs.
Co-op Funeralcare estimates 9.7 million mourners have been denied the opportunity to say their last goodbye at their loved one’s funeral
With only 50% of funerals proceeding with restricted attendance over lockdown, Scotland ranks one of the highest in the UK for funerals that went ahead
Just 4% said that someone visiting them was the most comforting thing that someone did for them when experiencing a bereavement in Scotland
59% of bereaved UK adults said lockdown had negatively impacted their grief process
A further 61% of bereaved UK adults, who have experienced a bereavement during lockdown, said that nothing has helped them to grieve
Co-op has released a report which reveals the devastating impact lockdown has had on Edinburgh’s ability to grieve and warns the region could yet face a grief pandemic.
An online YouGov survey, commissioned by the UK’s leading funeral provider Co-op Funeralcare, shows that in the weeks following the start of the UK’s lockdown on 23rd March, 50% of bereaved adults in Edinburgh have been denied their final farewell.
Although a necessary measure to protect our nation during the coronavirus pandemic, the restrictions on the number of funeral attendees mean that many have been unable to attend their loved one’s funeral, with some councils prohibiting any attendees at crematoriums and gravesides.
When asked about the most important way to say goodbye, 42% of UK adults chose being present when their loved one passes away, whilst 33% chose attending a funeral or memorial service. Sadly, in a bid to slow the spread of Covid-19, neither of these goodbyes have been an option for an estimated 243,000 bereaved families.
Funerals play an intrinsic part in the grieving process, and by being unable to attend, many have been unable to grieve the loss of their loved one. The survey revealed that37% of mourners have been unable to pay their respects by attending a funeral service, whilst 45% of people said the funeral went ahead, or will go ahead, with restricted attendance in person only.
A harrowing estimate of more than 133,000 bereaved families who have lost a loved one during lockdown said their grief process has been negatively affected by the restrictions in place, with over three fifths (61%) saying that nothing in particular has helped them to grieve. This inability to grieve at present means the nation could experience a prolonged period of mourning for months, or even years, to come.
David Collingwood, Director of Funerals at Co-op Funeralcare said: “A funeral provides a sense of closure for bereaved families and is very often the start of the grieving process.
“Sadly, the recent restrictions mean an estimated 243,000 bereaved families across the UK and thousands across Edinburgh have been denied the right to say goodbye to loved ones in the way they would have wished.
“We completely supported the need to introduce these restrictions at the beginning of the devasting Coronavirus pandemic in the UK. We had to make some tough but responsible decisions to protect our colleagues and clients, and to fulfil our social responsibility of slowing the spread of the disease.
“Tragically, we don’t yet know what the long-term psychological effects will be for families denied the last opportunity to say goodbye, so it is vital that we do everything possible to allow families and individuals to attend funerals, whilst always prioritising the health and safety of our communities.”
Co-op Foundation has partnered with Co-op Funeralcare to deliver grants of up to £10,000 for projects that help young people to support each other through bereavement.
Organisations can express their interest in the Co-op Foundation #iwill Fund until 31 July. The funding will help build confidence, skills and a sense of belonging among young bereaved people, while helping them to make a long-term impact on their peers who have gone through similar experiences.
In Co-op Funeralcare’s Biggest Ever Survey in 2018, 81% of respondents said they hadn’t saved anything towards their funeral, and 8% admitted to experiencing financial hardship due to paying for the funeral of a loved one.
Co-op understands the impact financial worries can have on those trying to navigate the grieving process, so has extended the financial support available through its own Funeralcare Hardship Fund.
The fund which was launched in April as part of the Co-op Members Coronavirus Fundhas allowed Co-op’s 4.6 million members to donate their unspent existing member rewards. The Hardship Fund provides a grant of £250 to anyone[6] who is in financial hardship and arranging a funeral for a loved one who died as a result of coronavirus, or a coronavirus related illness.
Andy Langford, Cruse Bereavement Care Clinical Director said: “The coronavirus pandemic has meant it is an incredibly distressing time to be grieving, whenever your bereavement occurred.
“Many people have been grieving in isolation, unable to attend funerals, say goodbye, and be close to those they love. When you feel you have no control over how you can experience those last moments with someone, this can have a profound impact on the grieving process.”
Whilst grief itself is not a mental health problem, it can cause mental health problems for some of us. Co-op is working with its partners Mind, SAMH and Inspire to encourage those affected by grief to access support from bereavement charities before their mental health deteriorates.
Stephen Buckley, Head of Information at Mind said: “The loss of a loved one during the pandemic is leaving many people struggling with grief. In most cases, grief is not a diagnosable mental health problem. It is absolutely normal that grief places strain on our everyday lives and it can take a long time to adapt to life after a loss.
“If you feel that your mental health is suffering following a bereavement beyond the stages of grief or if you have an existing mental health problem that is being worsened following a bereavement and you’re struggling to cope, it’s important to seek help, speak to a loved one, GP or contact a bereavement charity.”
