With National Grief Awareness Day on 30 August, I’d like to highlight Cats Protection’s grief support service for cat owners.
Now in its fifth year, Paws to Listen is there for anyone facing the heartbreak of losing their cat, struggling with issues like euthanasia, or whose cat has gone missing. It is a free and confidential service, connecting callers with a volunteer listener over the telephone or via email.
Pet loss is not always fully recognised in society as a significant loss, causing many to be reluctant to talk about their grief. Additionally, Covid restrictions in the past year or so have often meant that people could not be with their pets at the point of euthanasia, which has compounded people’s grief. We feel it is important to normalise pet grief and let people know that they’re not alone and it’s OK to talk about it.
This year, our Paws to Listen service is being supported by players of People’s Postcode Lottery. I’d like to say a huge thank you to them for their continued support, which is also helping us to take care of cats at our centres and speak up for cats through our campaigning work.
The Paws to Listen phone line is open 9am-5pm Monday to Friday (excluding Bank Holidays) and can be reached on 0800 024 94 94.
Apart of Me, the design-led company that supports young people and their families through the heartbreak of grief via a mobile App, has received a double-boost as it seeks to help those suffering loss from the pandemic.
Firstly, their application to become a charity was not just approved, but fast-tracked by the Charity Commission. The Commission acknowledged both the importance of the serviceto children and young people affected by grief and the time-sensitive nature of the work given the legacy of loss caused by Covid-19.
In a second piece of good news for the charity, it was announced today that they had been named winners in the London Mayoral Resilience Fund, a scheme set up by Mayor Sadiq Khan to help the capital city bounce back against Coronavirus.
Apart of Me has been appointed to run projects to help young people in London bereaved due to coronavirus. The charity’s aim is to apply the same clinical approach and methods they use in their award-winning App to help young people combat their grief.
Apart of Me launched in 2018 as an innovative app-based adventure game that helps bereaved children use their mobile phones or tablets to help cope with the grief and confusion caused by the loss of a loved one.
“When we launched Apart of Me a couple of years ago, little did we know how badly it would be needed today, with so many children and young people left grieving for loved ones as a result of Covid-19,” said Louis Weinstock, the child psychologist who co-founded the organisation with tech entrepreneur Ben Page in 2018.
“Whilst all the talk at the moment is of our desire to return to normality, millions of children around the world have lost parents, grandparents and care-givers from this pandemic. They need our support.”
Acknowledging their new charitable status, Weinstock said, “Charity means ‘compassion’. Having our registration expedited by the Charity Commission not only confirms the urgency of our mission, but it will also allow us to fundraise and accelerate towards our goal of helping every grieving young person transform their grief into compassion.”
From the outset the goal for Apart of Me was to combine bereavement-counseling techniques with 3D animation and gaming developments to create an app-based game that could help children and young people find a path through grief to compassion. Since then, the app has been downloaded nearly 100,000 times, receiving critical acclaim from clinical leaders and those who have used it.
Henry, who was 18 when his father died of cancer, describes the impact the game had on him. “Apart of Me was my guiding light in the dark when I felt incredibly alone, lost and confused. It helped me to understand what I was going through and took the loneliness of the whole experience away.”
A worldwide focus on mental health in recent years has seen established game developers attempt to tackle the concepts of anxiety and self-worth head-on.
Apart of Me have been pioneers in this field with Louis and Ben collaborating with 126 skilled volunteers around the world to build their app, which was highlighted as a best-in-class app for safe and accessible support by Good Thinking, London’s Digital Mental Wellbeing Service (backed by the London Mayor’s office, Public Health England, London councils, the NHS and ThriveLDN).
Louis’ work has previously been acknowledged by the Prime Minister, Boris Johnson, under the Government’s ‘Points of Light’ scheme.
In a personal letter to Louis, Prime Minister Boris Johnson said: “I know you do this with no thought of praise or reward, but allow me to offer my own recognition of how you have created innovative, accessible grief counselling which has supported thousands of young people in the UK and abroad.”
Metro Bank’s Bereavement Team Offers a Practical Guide to Bereavement Administration
When someone dies there is a lot of official paperwork that needs to be completed – some even comes with deadlines and fines if not processed properly and timely. As the UK’s community bank, Metro Bank has a specialist bereavement team to support anyone processing the administration at every stage through the bereavement process.
The team has created a practical guide to help everyone to understand what they need to do when dealing with the key stages of administration that surrounds a death.
“Losing someone is hard enough, without having to deal with all the official paperwork that has to be completed,” explains Dave Craggs, director of customer support, Metro Bank. “Our bereavement team has the empathy and expertise to guide and support at these difficult moments and this practical guide explains the key steps in the process that need to be taken.”
1. The medical certificate of cause of death.
When someone dies, a doctor needs to issue a medical certificate for the cause of death. This is the first stage of managing the paperwork needed to process every aspect of bereavement administration.
The certificate needs to include the name, age, place and cause of death about the deceased. If the cause of death is clear, this certificate can be issued straightaway, otherwise you can expect a delay until further investigations have been carried out. Once any investigations have been completed, a Coroners Certificate of fact of death will be issued and the death can then be registered.
2. Registering the death
Every death has to be legally registered. If you’re in England, Wales or Northern Ireland, you will have five days to register a death. In Scotland you have up to eight days.
You will need to make an appointment at the register office near to the place of death and bring the medical certificate of cause of death with some identification proof such as the deceased’s passport, driving licence or birth certificate to the appointment. Once you have registered the death the registrar will issue you with the Death Certificate.
Full details can be found on the government website and the registrar will also explain about this government web page that enables you to tell the government about the death, so all of its agencies are simultaneously informed at once including- for example – state pension, disability benefits and council services.
3. The Will & The Estate
If the deceased has a Will the named executor/s will deal with the estate. They will need to obtain a Grant of Probation by completing a probate form which can be found online here.as well as an inheritance tax form or by calling 0300 123 1072.
If there is no Will, a relative will be appointed as an administrator to deal with the estate. They will need to obtain Letters of Administration.
The deceased person’s property and belongings are called the estate.
Part of managing the estate includes the disposal of assets, payment of outstanding bills and debts as well as advising all the relevant organisations such as telecoms, social media, energy, financial services including insurance and banking for which there may be direct debits and standing orders as well as money and investments.
4. The Bank
The deceased’s bank will play an integral part in the bereavement administration and each bank’s processes may vary slightly. If the deceased banked with Metro Bank, you can inform us in person by visiting your local Metro Bank store, by phone, or via post and ask for the support of the bereavement team.
The bereavement team will take you through the process step by step. You will need to supply them with some documentation including the original death certificate, or an interim death certificate plus proof of your identification (i.e. passport, driving licence etc.) as well as the original Will.
If there isn’t a Will the bereavement team can still help you with collecting a person’s estate, in line with Government guidelines.
Once the bereavement team has all the necessary documents, they can help organise any money, property and possessions held with us. We will then guide you through what happens with each type of account – be it current, savings, joint, loans, investment or credit cards and how any funeral invoices and inheritance tax can be paid and settled.
You’ll need to either visit us in store, email the Bereavement Team – bereavement.services@metrobank.plc.uk or via post to make these final arrangements and complete the necessary forms. We can also help with paying for the funeral – for example if there are sufficient funds belonging to the deceased in an account held with us, we can pay funeral costs directly to the funeral director. All we need is a final invoice.
Alternatively, we can reimburse the funeral costs you have already covered. All you need to do is send us a proof of the payment and the person who made it, along with the final funeral invoice.
5. Useful Links
Dave Craggs: “A person’s life is full of meaningful activity and interactions – each of which has to be closed off properly when they die. Managing this entire process can take months and be complex depending on the volume of their personal contacts, possessions, property, money and investments, but help is at hand.”
There are many organisations that can help with this process including:
Demystifying Death Week, 10 – 16 May, is about giving people knowledge, skills & opportunities to plan & support each other through death, dying, loss & care.
@StColumbas will be taking part in the Week’s activities.
St Columba’s Hospice Care is pleased to be supporting Demystifying Death Week (10-16 May), shining a light on death, dying and bereavement in Scotland.
Demystifying Death Week is about giving people knowledge, skills and opportunities to plan and support each other through death, dying, loss and care. Here in Scotland, the Week is organised by Good Life, Good Death, Good Grief as part of the Scottish Partnership for Palliative Care (SPPC) and it runs in parallel to Dying Matters week in England.
“If people know a bit more about death and dying, they’re in a better position to take control of their own situation, support others, make plans and have informed decisions about what they’d want when the time comes,” said Rebecca Patterson, Director of Good Life, Good Death, Good Grief.
At St Columba’s, our Supportive Care and Compassionate Communities teams and wider Hospice community will be engaging with Demystifying Death Week through supporting and taking part in the programme of activities. We wanted to share these with you in case you would like to sign up for any of the events too.
Here are some of the workshops and webinars available:
Unexpected Consequences: A Webinar on Bereavement: Tuesday 11 May, 13:30 to 15:15
Topics:
People dying at home during Covid (Dr Jan Savinc, Napier University)
How disenfranchised grief has been affected by Covid-19 (Paul Parsons, Adult Bereavement Coordinator for St Christopher’s Hospice)
Digital Accessibility and the impact on grief (Donna Hastings, Child and Families Worker for St Columba’s Hospice Care, Edinburgh)
Loss & the Creative Arts: Music, Poetry & other Arts as Expression of Grief: Thursday 13 May 2021, 13:00 to 15:00
This is an event for Dying Matters Week, chaired by Professor Lynne Gabriel and Dr John Wilson of York St John University Counselling and Mental Health Centre, who will introduce the work of (in alphabetical order):
Laura Fitton, Nursing sister and published poet who works with Covid19 on the NHS front line
Kev Fitzpatrick, singer songwriter,
Sioux Hill, bereaved by Covid, singer with the Alone Together Choir
Mick Jenkinson. singer songwriter and published poet
Liam Meyer NHS worker and founder of the Alone Together Choir, as seen on BBC News
Sarah Villeneau, ceramicist whose work is both beautiful and macabre
The event will be of interest to those who are grieving and anyone who works with death, dying, bereavement and grief, including counsellors, bereavement supporters and volunteers who are interested in working more creatively. The event will include a question and answer session.
You may also be interested in accesssing a series of free webinars offered by Child Bereavement UK for professionals working with children and young people in Scotland:
Held In Our Heart’s participation in 2021’s Kiltwalk event signals a step towards normality for the people of Scotland. The Kiltwalk fundraising platform has been designed to turbocharge fundraising, and is often used by supporters of charities to support their cause, or to thank them for their services that they themselves have used.
Whilst this year’s Kiltwalk event is virtual in nature, the role in which this Kiltwalk plays in constructing community bonds, spirit, and the development of connections, compassion, and friendship is critical to the operations of Held In Our Heart, and for the bereaved families who use its services.
One such example of this, is the story of Ian and Brenda who got involved with Held In Our Hearts in 2019 after tragically losing their baby boy Fraser at one month old from sepsis.
They said: “Fraser was born 11th August 2019 just before 32 weeks weighing 3lb 1oz. He spent 4 weeks in the Neonatal Unit and came on so amazingly that we welcomed him home on 4th September.
“A few days later he didn’t seem right…I phoned NHS 24 and was given an appointment to take him to outpatients. After a couple of hours we were given the devastating news that Fraser had sepsis and was unlikely to make it through.
“We spent the next few days spending time with Fraser, family and friends visiting him and making memories with help from the Neonatal unit and CHAS.
“On 11th September doctors did a brain scan and told us it was time to take away the machines, our Fraser was gone. We held him as he peacefully slipped away.
“When we were put in touch with Held in our Hearts they were amazing. So welcoming and understanding. As a family we want to do something to give back for all the support they have given us even despite the restrictions that lockdown imposed and that is why this year we are doing the Kiltwalk in Fraser’s name to help raise funds so they can continue to provide support for all bereaved families.”
Held In Our Heart fundraising manager, Tracy Watt, said: “The Virtual Kiltwalk is a chance for us as a community to engage and connect with others, and although we are not able to walk together physically we can focus on 23-25th April in the knowledge that we are not alone.
“The Kiltwalk is an event that is for all ages and abilities and not just for walking, you can swim or cycle too.
“What sets this weekend apart from all other kilwalk events is that you can choose your own challenge and make it a weekend of being together in spirit and all sharing the same goal in support of our bereaved families.”
Held In Our Hearts are continuing efforts to provide baby loss counselling and support to families, and have seen a successful adaptation to the shifted landscape of support services directly linked to the current pandemic and various restrictions, and regulations.
The 2021 Kiltwalk event holds a particularly special place in the hearts and minds of everyone at the charity. The Kiltwalk event is a clear way to connect further with the bereaved families who use, and have used, Held In Our Hearts services – much in the same way the Kiltwalk event provides these families with the ability to express their gratitude to the kindness and compassion given to them in their journey of grief.
A Christmas Tree will be placed in the church garden offering individuals an opportunity to hang a wooden heart in memory of their loved one. The hearts can be hung upon the tree at any time during the above dates.
Please take the heart home to write your message using a permanent marker. You may find it helpful to take a photo of the heart on the tree. This allows you to share the photo with members of your family.
Hanging & Removing the Wooden Hearts:
Please use hand sanitiser before and after hanging the wooden heart. This helps us to ensure good hand hygiene procedures.
The tree will be dismantled on 28th December and all wooden hearts will be disposed of, unless collected prior to this date.
A recorded service will be uploaded to Inverleith St. Serf’s FB page. You are invited to join us in this collective worship opportunity as we give thanks and remember our loved ones.
Grief at any time is difficult and painful and even under normal circumstances the death of a colleague can be challenging and represent a significant loss.
The realities of Covid-19 means that there are additional challenges for people mourning the death of a colleague due to the lack of access to support from friends, family and colleagues.
The British Psychological Society’s Covid-19 bereavement task force has launched a new document, ‘Supporting each other following the death of a colleague’, to help people understand their feelings and reaction if they do lose a colleague during this time.
Professor Nichola Rooney, chair of the task force, said: “Sadly, many people have been bereaved during the Covid-19 pandemic, with some grieving the death of a colleague.
“We spend a lot of time at work and often form close bonds with people we work with, so losing a colleague at a time when we may not have our usual support networks can be particularly difficult.”
The booklet gives advice on how to cope with returning to work following the death of a colleague and encourages employees to take advantage of the support that is available to them and allowing for the fact that work may be affected by the grieving process.
It encourages people to take the opportunity to consider marking the death through a memorial at either at work or at home, if that is someone’s current workplace, but also to plan for other remembrance activities in the future once the current crisis abates.
The guidance is part of a suite of resources produced by the BPS’s Covid-19 bereavement task force, aimed at helping people manage their grief during the Coronavirus pandemic.
The current pandemic has highlighted the importance of family and friends being able to mark the passing of loved ones, even if we can’t say goodbye in more traditional ways.
The British Psychological Society’s Covid-19 bereavement task force has released a new online leaflet, Continuing Bonds, which suggests alternative ways to help us remember friends and family who die due to the pandemic.
Funerals are currently disrupted, with the number of attendees limited in many cases due to the social distancing restrictions put in place to control the spread of the virus.
It is still important for the grieving process that we are able to mark someone’s passing, particularly if a regular funeral is not possible, and the leaflet gives six suggestions.
They include simple gestures like lighting a candle or planting a seed, alongside ways to make a lasting tribute, such as a virtual memorial, Facebook page or memory box.
Professor Nichola Rooney, chair of the BPS’s Covid-19 bereavement task force, said: “Sadly many more people than normal are experiencing bereavement right now, and the emotional effects of this are exacerbated by us being unable to see friends and family, or have funerals in the way that we normally do.
“It’s crucial that we are able to mark the time of someone’s passing, and I hope that these straightforward suggestions help people to do that, even if it is an interim solution until larger gatherings and memorial services are possible.”
Continuing Bonds is the latest in a suite of resources produced by the BPS’s Covid-19 bereavement task force, all of which can be viewed on our website.
The British Psychological Society has published a document on helping one another to cope with death and grief, at a time when many people are experiencing the loss of a friend or family member due to the Covid-19 pandemic.
It has also released two videos, offering advice on using technology to speak to loved ones who are ill and planning your digital legacy.
Losing a loved one under any circumstances is one of the most difficult emotional experiences that we go through, and it can be even tougher at a time when we have to self-isolate and socially distance from friends and family.
The leaflet ‘Supporting yourself and others: coping with death and grief during the Covid-19 pandemic’ explains the thoughts and feelings that people are likely to experience after a loved one dies, and the changes in behaviour that may result.
It discusses how people can cope with bereavement, acknowledging that everyone deals with loss in their own way, and gives tips on what can help, including:
Using digital technology to keep in touch with friends and family
Allowing themselves time and space to grieve
Not rushing into decisions about possessions and personal effects
Trying to stick to a healthy diet and engage in some form of exercise
Straightforward advice is also available for people who are supporting a loved one through their grief.
It launches alongside a video on digital legacy planning, as many of us store practically important and sentimentally valuable information using technological devices.
If important material is stored on password-protected devices, it’s important for people to make sure that their families are able to access material should the worst happen.
Dr Elaine Kasket, a counselling psychologist and member of the BPS’s Covid-19 bereavement task force that has produced all three resources, presents both videos.
