Tag: friendship

Now’s the time to talk about Kindness

The Carnegie UK Trust has launched a new report, which explores how we can encourage kinder communities. The report, The Place of Kindness, finds that it can be hard to talk about kindness and that there are many things that get in the way of acting in a friendly, generous and considerate way. It identifies that, along with creating spaces and places to act in kindness, the simple fact of talking about it has a powerful effect on our behaviour. Continue reading Now’s the time to talk about Kindness

Christmas Day, one hundred years ago

‘I saw a sight I shall remember to my dying day’

christmastruce1You will hardly credit what I am going to tell you: but thousands of our men will be writing home today telling the same strange and wonderful story. Listen.

Last night as I sat in my little dugout, writing, my chum came bursting in upon me with: ‘Bob! Hark at ‘em!’ And I listened. From the German trenches came the sound of music and singing. My chum continued: ‘They’ve got Christmas trees all along the top of their trenches! Never saw such a sight!’

I got up to investigate. Climbing the parapet, I saw a sight which I shall remember to my dying day. Right along the whole of the line were hung paper lanterns and illuminations of every description, many of them in such positions as to suggest that they were hung upon Christmas trees.

Christmas Truce 1914And as I stood in wonder a rousing song came over to us; at first the words were indistinguishable , then, as the song was repeated again and again, we realized that we were listening to ‘The Watch on the Rhine.’ Our boys answered with a cheer, while a neighbouring regiment sang lustily the National Anthem.

Some were for shooting the lights away, but almost at the first shot there came a shout in really good English, ‘Stop shooting!’ Then began a series of answering shouts from trench to trench. It was incredible. ‘Hallo! Hallo! You English we wish to speak.’ And everyone began to speak at once. Some were rational, others the reverse of complimentary. Eventually some sort of order obtained, and lo! A party of our men got out from the trenches and invited the Germans to meet them halfway and talk.

And there in the searchlight they stood, Englishman and German, chatting and smoking cigarettes together midway between the lines. A rousing cheer went up from friend and foe alike. The group was too far away from me to hear what was being said, but presently we heard a cheery ‘Good Night. A Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to you all’, with which the parties returned to their respective trenches.

After this we remained the whole night through, singing with the enemy song for song.

Sergeant A Lovell, 3 Rifle Brigade
Christmas Day 1914

Christmas-truce2[1]

Forget the internet – you need friends

laptop keyboardA leading support charity is calling on couples in Edinburgh to get in touch with their local service if they need help, after a new study found that the internet is one of the biggest causes of relationship problems.

Published by Relationships Scotland, The Way We Are Now 2014 lifts the lid on our relationships and sex lives. The study is one of the largest of its kind.

The report asked more than 5000 people across the UK how they feel about their sex life and relationships.

It reveals some concerning statistics around how close we feel to others, with one in five or 18% rarely or never feeling loved in their relationship and one in ten saying they didn’t have a close friend.

The charity said that in as many as 50 to 70% of cases in couple counselling in Scotland the internet had an impact on the relationship yet in the study very few people reported the internet as causing a problem in their relationship

Only 1% of respondents said they’d cheated with someone online but not in person.

This clashes with the findings from the survey of counsellors, with many of them reporting the use of social media and online pornography as an issue that comes up in the counselling room in over half of cases.

Anne Chilton, Head of Counselling said, “There is a disconnect here between what people see and assume their partner is doing and what they are actually doing. Seeing your partner on line night after night you maybe assume they are just browsing. Its only when you look at what they are actually looking at do you find that there is problem. Maybe they are chatting to someone else, or looking at porn. Either way, this is the point couples come to us for help. What maybe started as a solution to loneliness in a relationship now becomes the problem.”

“What often happens now is that instead of talking to their partner when they are unhappy in the relationship or dissatisfied with their sex life, people get drawn into looking for a solution online.”

One in four people are dissatisfied with their sex life (24%) and a quarter also reported having an affair (25%).

The Way We Are Now 2014 included an additional survey carried out by Relate of 250 Relate and Relationships Scotland counsellors, who listed three factors for a happy sex life: improving communication, making time to be together and learning how to talk about sex with your partner.

The study finds a clear link between relationships and high levels of wellbeing but simply being in a relationship doesn’t guarantee that people will feel good about themselves: it’s the quality of the relationship that has an impact on wellbeing and happiness.

worriedRelationships Scotland said it is worrying that one in ten people don’t have a single close friend and one in five rarely or never felt loved in the two weeks before the survey.

Anne said, “It’s very sad the number of people who don’t have a close friend. Research suggests it is linked to the rise of the internet. While someone could have hundreds of friends on Facebook they might feel these are superficial rather than friendships of real substance. Online you only use one channel of communication and it’s hard to connect with people. When you are face to face you can feel, hear, see and really interact so it’s much better for building friendships and deeper levels of intimacy.”

The report finds a strong connection between our relationships and our personal wellbeing. In today’s fast-paced and ever-changing world, relationships still act as ‘shock absorbers’ when times are hard.

Relationships Scotland says the research shows that couples and families can get the help they need to invest time and effort into building stronger relationships.

Stuart Valentine, Chief Executive of Relationships Scotland, said: “This new study examines the quality of our relationships, showing a clear link between our personal relationships and our wellbeing. Whilst there is much to celebrate, the results around how close we feel to others are very concerning. There is a significant minority of people who never or rarely feel loved or who have no close friends.”

“We know that strong relationships are vital for both individuals and society as a whole, so investing in them is crucial. Through our network of services around Scotland we provide support, advice and counselling to couples, families and individuals as well as mediation. The help is there and we hope that anyone who feels they need a helping hand will get in touch with us.”

For advice or further information go to

www.relationships-scotland.org.uk

or telephone 0845 119 2020

holding hands