A not-for-profit funeral director has experienced a surge in enquiries for direct cremations since lockdown began. Caledonia Cremation, which is owned by Community Renewal Trust, exclusively provide direct cremation to bereaved families across Scotland.
Direct cremation is a cremation with no mourners present and since social distancing began, the funeral director has reported a rise in enquiries from people exploring safe ways to say goodbye to their loved ones.
Nicola Sturgeon recently announced that rules around funerals – “remain sadly unchanged” during Phase 1 of lockdown being eased and will be reassessed as Scotland enters Phase 2. However, Caledonia Cremation’s co-founder John Halliday urges families to reconsider delaying.
“With speculation that gatherings will be banned for some time, we predict these restrictions will stay in place for some time. We have certainly had more enquiries from people who do not want to delay their goodbyes and are exploring the options that are available now. We expect those enquiries to continue for the foreseeable future.”
Linda Hillidge, who lives in South Africa, recently lost her mother, who lived in Scotland. As the airports in South Africa were closed, Linda was unable to fly to Scotland. However, after some deliberation, she decided direct cremation was the right things to do as she explains:
“When I first heard of the concept of direct cremation, I was not a believer and felt I could not go down this route. However, after much more thought on the logistics of how one can make this happen remotely, it became the only and best option for us.
“The whole experience was sad, which is to be expected, and quite surreal, and as a family we decided to have our own intimate Celebration of Life for Mom who was so loved throughout her life. When this fateful day arrives, it catches you off guard even though Mom had a long, healthy life for most of her time with us.”
As is normal with direct cremation, Linda still arranged a celebration, just not at the crematorium:
“We utilised a very simple format using Zoom to include the family members. My daughter and I had prepared some words to reflect on Mom’s life and all the wonderful memories we had and will forever cherish. We had intermittent music, some songs which Mom actually sang over the years as she loved singing, she was always nominated at the family get togethers.”
Linda says that although direct cremation seemed to be the only option, it worked for her family. She adds that the celebration of her beloved mother’s life isn’t over yet: “To have final closure we will fly to Scotland when the lockdown is over.”
John Halliday predicts that current regulations will act as a significant turning point in how funerals are delivered in Scotland going forward:
“Up until recently, direct cremations accounted for only one in twenty-five of all cremations* and only 52%* of people surveyed in the UK knew what a direct cremation was.
“I do foresee that this will rise in this year’s statistics because of lockdown but more importantly for Scotland, I fully expect that after lockdown, more families will continue to use this as part of their funeral. People are realising that a funeral isn’t all about the bit at the crematorium, but about working out for yourself what the best way to say goodbye is – whether it is part of the ashes scattering, in a chapel, in your home or on Zoom.
“Many countries and cultures separate the practical elements of funerals from the memorial, mourning and celebration: in some Mediterranean and Jewish traditions, the funeral itself can be over within 24 hours of death, so family may often not be there, but everyone in the community is then involved in the mourning, celebrating and remembrance which is arranged for a later date; separating the practical and ritual elements of the funeral are also common in Sweden and the US where direct cremations account for around one in three cremations.
“These traditions mean families actually get more time to arrange the main memorial or celebration – we sometimes say ‘you wouldn’t arrange your wedding in 10 days, why rush a funeral celebration’.
“For these reasons, it is safe to predict that we are going to see significant change in funerals, with more of these modern alternate options continuing well into 2021 and beyond in Scotland.”
One of the people Caledonia Cremation supported long before anyone had heard of coronavirus, was Joe Bendall who sadly lost his mother Betty a few years ago.
He explains why he chose a direct cremation: “My mum wasn’t interested in BIG funerals with even BIGGER costs. She always said, she never spent that kind of money on herself while she was alive, she certainly wouldn’t have it when she dies. Her only stipulation was that she didn’t want to be buried.
“After she passed, we did some research online. Caledonia Cremations was one of the first services that stood out. I had never hear about direct cremation and initially I was worried this might be seen as disrespectful as there would be no service but my Dad was pleasantly surprised at what was on offer and said this was exactly what they would both want. No fuss or major expense.
“After the direct cremation, my mother’s ashes were returned to us. We then had a small gathering of friends in the flat my parents lived in for the majority of their married lives and where we all shared fond memories, with photographs of my mum, dad and various friends/family which was beautiful and allowed people to take a trip down memory lane and sparked conversations.
“We listened to my mum’s favourite singers – Patsy Cline and Elvis Presley. It really was a perfect way to celebrate her life, spending it with those we care for and love.”
John concludes: “I’m sure that those who have lost loved one’s more recently will be looking for idea’s like Joe’s for what to do as lockdown ends”.
