Surprising new career for Leith’s popular parliamentarian
What does a parliamentarian do when it’s time to walk away from front-line politics? Some take up directorships, some retire gracefully to spend more time with their families while others write newspaper columns, memoirs and novels.
For the chosen few it’s a well-padded seat in that exclusive retirement home the House of Lords and some more make a quick reappearance as sage ‘talking heads’ on political programmes. Others, even prominent former Cabinet Ministers like Jack Straw and Malcolm Rifkind, shamelessly hawk themselves to the highest bidder as ‘consultants’.
But former Health Secretary Malcolm Chisholm is taking a different route. The mild-mannered former teacher, who represented North Edinburgh and Leith at both Holyrood and Westminster, isn’t planning a quiet life with pipe and slippers just yet.
No, Malcolm Chisholm is to be reinvented as Malky ‘Mad Dog’ Chisholm, the Kirkgate Crusher – a professional wrestler!
“It’s true”, said Malcolm. “I decided that I would spend the next few years doing the things I really wanted to do, and top of that list is wrestling. I know it will come as a surprise to many people, but I’ve been a grappling fan for many years and I’ve always wanted to give it a go. Now, I have the time to do it so I’m now in training for my first bout.”
Malcolm – sorry, Mad Dog – first became interested in wrestling as a youngster.
“I used to regularly go along to the Eldorado in Leith”, he recalled. “All the big names of the day used to perform there. Mr TV Jackie Pallo, Mick McManus, Steve Logan – they were all there. Mick McManus in particular was a real favourite – the crowd constantly booed and hissed him and I remember one older lady bashing him about the head with her handbag when he was thrown out of the ring into the audience! It was great theatre, and I suppose it left an impression on me – just like that old dearie’s handbag did on Mick’s napper!”
Malcolm also fondly remembers the wrestling on ITV’s World of Sport. “As a schoolteacher my weekends were often taken up with marking pupils’ work, so Saturday afternoon wrestling with the legendary Kent Walton was welcome light relief! Big Daddy and Giant Haystacks made regular appearances but I suppose if I had to pick my own favourite it would have to be the masked man of mystery, Kendo Nagasaki.”
Life takes odd twists and turns and Malcolm found himself front-runner to replace Leith MP Ron Brown when the left-wing firebrand misbehaved once too often. Teaching took a back seat as the quiet school teacher became a full-time politician – as first an MP, then as an MSP and government minister at Holyrood.
Malcolm was both liked and admired as an honest and principled politician and was universally popular among colleagues and opponents alike. However the shy and now retired MSP insists he has a darker side.
“Don’t get me wrong, it’s nice to be liked by all and sundry but sometimes I do yearn to be nasty – the pantomime villain, if you like! In politics, and in wrestling, the good guys are quickly forgotten but everyone remembers the bad guys – Giant Haystacks, Iain Duncan Smith, George Osborne, The Undertaker!
“And I do have a nasty side – I remember one particularly long-winded contribution during a debate when I was health minister. I grew increasingly irritated and I was getting closer and closer to crossing the floor, getting that bore – I won’t name names, I’m too nice a bloke – in a headlock and delivering a few well-placed forearm smashes.
“Fortunately – or unfortunately – the Presiding Officer intervened just in time. If only I’d laid my tormentor out, no-one would remember Ron Brown swinging that mace in the House of Commons now – but they’d remember me.”
So with parliament now in recess and his political career at an end, Malcolm is now ready to embark on his new challenge. And while millions of wrestling fans across the world will be tuning in to watch the sport’s superstars at Wrestlemania 32 in Arlington, Texas this weekend, Malcolm’s debut will be slightly more low-key.
“I’ve been training hard and I’m ready for my first bout – a charity event at Bathgate’s Regal Cinema. Wrestling has moved on so much since the early days, of course – it’s huge box office now, but to me it’s still good, clean, wholesome all-action entertainment for the whole family. The excitement’s just the same, it’s just more showbiz and glamorous now.
“I’m now really looking forward to launching myself off the top turn-buckle and dealing out serious damage to opponents for years to come – I can’t wait for the chorus of boos as I smash a metal chair over the head of a local favourite! My own trademark move is the Full Malky, but I’m keeping that a closely guarded secret until my first bout! Age is no barrier – look at Hulk Hogan. If I can steer clear of injuries and get the steroids right I could be going for years.”
Malcolm Chisholm isn’t the first local politician to turn to a surprising new career when the debating days are done, of course. Some of our older readers may recall blue-blood Tory politician Lord James Douglas-Hamilton who served Edinburgh West with distinction for many years.
Lord James – a boxing blue at Oxford – shocked friends, family, colleagues and servants when he joined thrash metal band Death before Dishonour (above) as lead singer after he retired from front-line politics. Sadly, the band split just days after releasing their debut single ‘Mrs Thatcher isn’t all that bad really‘ due to ‘irreconcilable musical and political differences’.
It’s clear life’s not always easy after a career in politics, so good luck, Mad Dog!
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