Santa was confused. “This isn’t the Pennywell I know. There used to be hundreds of happy boys and girls running around here – now the houses are boarded up and the streets are empty.”
Donkey, Santa’s special adviser, smiled. “Don’t worry, Santa, I know where the children are,” he said. “Times change. I remember many, many years ago – before there were any shops or houses, this area was all farmland. Fields stretched for miles, as far as the eye could see. This area was only built up around seventy or eighty years ago, but those houses were well past their best. Houses will be built here again and the children will come back to their new homes. As I say, times change – maybe one day it will revert back to farmland again. But this is Pennywell, Christmas 2012.”
Santa was relieved. “Thank goodness for that, I thought I was lost!” he said.
Donkey laughed. “I suppose you’re not getting any younger, Santa. You need all the help you can get. Guess what I’m getting you for Christmas?”
Santa shook his head.
“Sat Nav!” said Donkey, very pleased with himself.
“A sat nav? Why would I need a sat nav? I have a perfectly good team of reindeer who take me everywhere I have to go – it’s never been a problem, it’s worked for hundreds of years!” Santa spluttered.
“Calm down, Santa – watch your blood pressure! You know money is tight everywhere just now? Double dip recession and all that? We’re all in this together, remember? So maybe it’s time to downsize, cut back on your expenditure a bit? Reindeer are expensive to maintain and run and there are far more economical ways of getting around. Oh, and they stink!”
Santa paused, then replied: “They stink? Yes, well, that would be the exhaust emissions! I fed them Brussels sprout stew today – perhaps I need to look at that particular bio-fuel and come up with something more environmentally friendly! But replace the reindeer? Never! Call me old fashioned – you always do, anyway – but the reindeer are here to stay. Can you imagine how disappointed the children would be if they saw me flashing across the night sky in some new-fangled eco-vehicle? You can keep your economic forecasts and spreadsheets, but I’m keeping my reindeer. Balance the books by all means, but you can’t put a value on a child’s happy face at Christmas time – it’s priceless!”
Donkey thought long and hard. “You have a point, Santa. Perhaps there are other economies we could make. I shall work up some options and will present these to you in a Power Point presentation early in the New Year – and the reindeer will NOT be included in any cost-saving calculations. Perhaps we could even put it out to consultation or sound out some focus groups. Whatever, the traditional Christmas mode of transport will remain – you have my word.”
Donkey looked at his watch and continued: “Time marches on and we have presents to deliver. From Aaron to Zoe, I know where all the Pennywell children are living just now – I have a list in my Blackberry. They will be asleep, dreaming of a visit from Santa …”
“You are indeed a wise donkey!” said Santa. “We won’t let those children down – let’s deliver those presents. Ho! Ho! Ho!”
With that they were off – Santa, donkey, reindeer and sleigh flying high above Muirhouse …
“Donkey, are you jealous of the reindeer just because they have magnificent antlers and you only have big floppy ears?”
“Certainly not. They may have magnificent antlers, but my personal hygiene is impeccable and I don’t stink. And I have an iPad.”
And Santa’s jolly laugh rang out and echoed across the night sky …
Merry Christmas!